The following is a representation of my experiences with one of the youngest crooked conmen I have ever met. It is 100% factual only the names and places have been altered to protect the one innocent from the Italian Mexican Gang spreading Icy Terror throughout our city.
Please note portions of this story may not be suitable for young children or church ladies.
To avoid confusion the identity of the conman will remain fluid throughout the entirety of this factual story. Hince forth identified as Mr. JTM.
The sky was an odd shade of green that faitful night when she repossessed a car that he had no right to even sell me in the first place. This girl Pepsi dropped my ass at the Shitty Cafe, my least favorite bar in town destroying my favorite holiday St. Patty's Day.
He stole my breakfast. On top of all that bullshit she didn't even bother leaving me my purse to pay for a Lyft home. All the while little did I know I had unknowingly been entangled in a fraudulent conspiracy to purchase a Ford Fiesta for a quadriplegic from the great state of Kansas. Skyrocketing my debt to $23,000 in one moons passing and further muddying the waters of my growing criminal history.
I was left abandoned in the freezing cold without my coat, money, or identification. Nothing to look forward to but a bleak future with a butch girlfriend named Rhonda who looked like the Screaming-Heinous-African-American-Midget-Menion (#livesmattertoo) who cursed at me with no mercy earlier that night.
She Attempted numerous times to commit homicide on my heirloom plants from my great grandfather, the patriarch of our family.
She stole my Rubber protection seal from my vape pen and put it on his unit.
He helped me move and then kept my belongings which are irreplaceable: My sons side table that was my Christmas present last year, a folding TV tray made of wood, 2 matching stackable wooden cabinets, and my cherry wood table top shelf along with my irreplaceable 4 stone jade vintage ring valued at hundreds of dollars.
To add insult to injury the next time I saw him she flaunted about with my half dead plants while wearing my jade ring, my once favorite outfit, with the additional audacity to ask me for the key to the car he had just snatched from me only two fortnights prior...
Meanwhile battling the worst case of bronchitis with no access to my rescue inhaler, because she refused to return it to me from my purse still in his possession, I slowly began to contemplate giving up. As I dug through the wreckage of my last home I search for a cough drop. Whilst bemoan my cheap toilet paper in lieu of Kleenex snot covered hands I began to wonder what kind of evil person one must be to wreak such havoc on an already broken, sad, and lost individual such as myself.
My only crime was offering my genuine friendship to her. As I recalled the most recent numerous hours spent packing and moving his life into the lap of luxury she now calls home. The looming possibility that my future home would be behind bars serving the sentence that afforded Mr. JTM the seemingly satisfied life gained from her crooked egotistical nihilistic criminal greediness.
Ergo forcing me to lose all hope in humanity and my belief in the Luck of the Irish turning me into the maniacal evil menace to society the people began to know me as.
But as fate would have it that green sky held One shining star of hope. As I slowly dug myself from the depths of despair each passing day I relished tiny victories such as the missing fiesta Key that I blatantly refused to give back and with the undeniable knowledge that she never looked good in my clothes anyway.
As a beach chicken rising from the ashes my strength was drawn from knowing he would not need them in the federal penitentiary she soon would become acquainted with.
Sorry not sorry. Love you, mean it! Sweet SweetWhile the story is related with a comic relief there is nothing funny about the transgressions that transpired over the course of several dreadful illusion shattering days. Should you have The Misfortune of befriending a self-centered self-serving narcissistic arrogant egotistical lying cowardly little boy such as Mr. JTM I hope you find the same solace in the realization that the only one who really lost anything was her.
[Footnote[1]
Moral of the story; He who cannot make up her own mind should not throw stolen cars in crystal houses.
