I found this article quite funny. I wasn't laughing at you. The funny part is I've done this before. Except I used to do this every year! I refuse to pay a grand for a phone that still makes calls, texts, and has internet access like mine does!
I used to "upgrade" and buy one of the cheapest phone brands every year, Alcatel.
They also costed less than $100 and were getting a little bigger and better and better every year! One specific year I remember the latest model costed $79! That one was great.
I never had any crippling experiences with them, mostly just very weird glitches. Eventually I decided to try out something a little "better" due to the contempt I was getting from anybody with an iPhone, even my family.
The better little somethings always felt orders of magnitude more advanced like a caveman leaping to the atomic age in a minute. I definitely feel this way after splurging over $500 on my last phone, the most I've ever spent on such a device but it's pretty cool. That's planned obsolescence for you...