I hardly remember if we ever celebrated my mom's birthday or not... Sad but true, I can't remember. Whenever I think about my mom, I feel emotional, become weak. it's been 10 years 6 months she left this world and never came back, she can't. I guess she became a permanent star in the sky... Just my imagination...
The life of my mother was simple, she was the youngest child of my grandfather. She has 7 elder sisters and 4 elder brothers and she was the youngest, the last one. When she born, my grandmother died. Basically she died while giving my mother birth, tragic story. I heard the story from my mom, she used to tell me that she never saw her mother. I only saw one picture of my grandmother, never saw my grandfather at all. She raised and brought up by her sister in law (her elder brother's wife). She raised her like a mother and tried to gave her all the affection which she was needed...
When she was a teenager, her dad (my grandfather) died and she became completely alone (kind of Orphan) and later after 2 years, she got married to my dad. My mom was educated but not like me, she couldn't study because of family condition. But she used to tell me about her school life, about her childhood. She only completed 12th Grade and never got a chance to go to the University for graduation.
She was an underprivileged child I would say, her childhood was full of sorrow, sadness, she was deprived of a mother's love, she was deprived of better education, higher education. Her world was black and white...
I have only a few pictures with my mother, this is one of them. I was 1-2 years old I think, her first child. Her hope, her dream was all about me, she gave her 100% to raise me. She gave me everything I guess but I couldn't give my best to her...
Funny fact is she didn't know her age and when she exactly born, this day is actually her passport date. I mean according to her passport date, she would be 50 years old today if she was alive. Trust me, it's hard to control the emotion inside but I can, I learned how to cry inside and smile outside. Maybe my mom naturally taught me this just like she used to hide all of her emotions in front of us.
I wish I had fascinating words for her, I wish I could celebrate her 50 years' birthday but we never did in fact nobody did for her, not even my dad. I feel it was yesterday when she was with me.
sadly, I couldn't remember her face properly, maybe I am losing my mind or memory. I wonder if she was alive, how would she look alike? Maybe a little bit white hair, shrink pale skin, few diseases, and what else!! Maybe nothing... these are just my imagination...
Anyway, I am not feeling like writing anything, my emotions are mixed now, I can't write. My feelings have no words and I think they don't need any words to express...
The reality will never change...
Happy Birthday Ammu... :) I miss you...
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
"Don't forget me, " I beg
I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"
"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"
Love
Priyan
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