I remember when I don't need to worry about anything when Mom was still alive, how she would be the one providing everything I needed and requested from her. Even while doing my Nce programme, mom was still buying my pants and bra for me which made me enjoy those fun times, spending the money with me as I thought there isn't anything to worry about as long as mom was still there. Reality dawned on me in the year 2016 when she died and that was the beginning of self-denial for me.
Those things she bought for me were the ones I was still managing and couldn't spend on myself again. I started saving the little on me knowing no one would come to my rescue like her. Dad had no job as we depended only on the bread he sold by the roadside which my siblings and I would help him.
The thought was that no one would give me what I wanted especially knowing I cannot ask Dad because the little profit we made at night was what we used to feed on. I saw things I could buy for myself and those things I needed but just couldn't get them. I endured for a period in that year until I found a teaching job thinking this would help me a little. But no! I haven't even collected my first salary when Dad came to meet me one day in school explaining his situation of needing some money. If not for my boss who was understanding, I don't think anyone would want to do what she did for me. I explained the situation and told her to pay my salary which the month hasn't ended. When she did, I gave them to my dad to settle his debt and get more bread to sell that day. I tried not to let the tears come out of my eyes that day because I had plans for the money but I sacrificed it for him.
I met Steemit during this time through the help of my sister but it wasn't doing much for me. The site was so tough that I hardly make a dollar per week. I stopped at the beginning of 2017.
I thought this teaching job would at least help me buy things especially my underwear but I had to let go of those luxuries while using my salary to support Dad and my siblings so that we don't starve each day. At least I was still removing part for my tithe and saving little when my sister told me I must continue my studies and I was keeping some money to obtain a direct entry form.
This self-denial continued until the year 2020 when I met uptrennd, an earning platform and I was gradually overcoming it where I began using the money I earned to get most things ladies do need but I wasn't out of it completely because there were still some needs I couldn't get even when the money was available but meant for something else. Still the same year in August, my brother pleaded that he must go to school because there had been issues in the family wanting him not to go to school. I was now on another platform (readcash). When I knew the responsibility would be on us to send him to school, I decided to do my part by raising 80k for him as a start. During that period, I couldn't get things for myself. I was focusing on supporting my brother first before anything. My friends would tell me to do this and that but I kept reminding them of my needs.
I was able to gather the money for him but I paused a lot of needs for myself thereby depriving myself of enjoying some luxuries. It always hurt me when I needed to buy clothes for myself but the thought of responsibilities lurking around me would stop me from getting them.
Thank God for today, I am not saying I have completely moved out of self-denial but there is a big difference from how it was in the past. There are still things I am still denying myself because I have another sibling in the university who is my responsibility too. Hive has come to be my rescue now that I don't need to struggle hard like before. Hive is my source of income, and so far, the earnings I get are meeting my needs and even helping me to extend my hand of generosity to people around me. I learnt how to save, invest and budget to avoid impulsive spending by focusing on the important things I need rather than my wants.
I have always lived a simple life that made people think I am poor but when you know the state you are in, these things won't bother you because of the journey of making the best life where you'd enjoy all you have worked for. Moreover, I have started thinking of getting new clothes that I have deprived myself of because of my family. I want to start doing the little I can while still having the mindset of building a financially stable life. Just as my sister would say: you first...enjoy your life now because it has no duplicate. Even though these things aren't bad, we must strike a balance and learn not to go beyond our boundaries.
