As I grew up, I came to realize that parenting is a hard task; it takes a lot of discipline, and discipline, and a lot of discipline to parenting a child in the best way. Parenting is also a sacrifice because there are many things one would have to give up just to be the best and ideal parent for their child.
It was later I sat down to remember everything I had experienced as a child and took my time to bring out morals and things I wouldn't want to inculcate when I become a parent. There are lots of errors I had seen from my parents and I strongly decided that I would never bring them to my kids because I saw how damaging it is to both the parents and children.
Many of the ill behaviour practiced among children were as a result of what they have experienced from their parents. Though, we wouldn't blame most parents when their kids go astray. There are some situations where some kids received the best upbringing and they still went their path, while you'd see children whose childhood was the worst, opening the wide way for such a kid to go crazy or become the worst individual, but they chose not to because they have experienced in the society how being a well-behaved child could bring a lot of opportunities to them.
I think in a scenario like this, having friends determines it all. Some kids who might receive better treatment at home might be predisposed by bad friends out there while some could get the worst treatment from parents that never cared whether they live or die, but decided to choose the right path seeing how disastrous the lives of their friends are. This is one reason I said parenting is hard and it takes sacrifice because a parent may think he or she is doing it right but in the wrong way and vice versa. May God help all parents out there so that their efforts will never go to waste.
Let me share my childhood experience with my parents and how they parented us, some, we would love to bring to our kids while some, we wouldn't even dare try out because of how bad they are.
When we (my siblings and I) were still very young, our parents weren't that strict or soft on us. They believed in giving us the best life even though there were some things they went to the extreme doing. My dad would always punish us for the wrong we did, and we would cry so hard, even if we see our dad around us then, we won't cry for ourselves again but for him, because we pitied him.
Dad does not like beating his children, but there were times he had to use the rod on us. He never spoiled us, no, even though we weren't rich and not poor, we still enjoyed our lives. When he beats us, after some minutes, he would call us individually, then ask "Do you know why I flogged you?"
"Yes, Daddy", we would say.
This was a way to make us realize and admit what we did was wrong and then expect us to change.
When I have my kids, this is something I want to imbibe. My husband and I wouldn't be too strict or too soft because just like my parents, they believed in discipline rightly and making us admit to what we do. This is something my siblings and I grew up to accept. We quickly admit when we are wrong, say sorry and then make sure not to repeat such, because making a first mistake is unintentional but repeating the same mistake means you know it's wrong. You are only doing it intentionally.
I would make sure my kids learn the act of admitting their wrongs and not seeing it like we are just punishing them for nothing. Children should have the right to know what is right and wrong and they should be cleared on many things so they don't misinterpret them later in the future.
We had the right to choose whatever we want to eat. Dad would always call us together and ask, "so what should we eat tonight?" We had the freedom to choose whatever we wanted and liked because our parents wanted us to always be happy. But doing this wouldn't be done all the time. Dad gave us the free will to choose whatever we wanted but made us understand that when there is money, we choose and when there isn't any at that moment, we go with what is available.
This is what I would do for my kids too. I will allow them the freedom to choose, but on a realization that things like this will not always occur. There would be days we would have in abundance and that is when they can choose whatever they want, also there would be days that might look rough, of course, they go with what is available without complaining. This has talked about being contented.
Let me say one more thing before moving to the bad parenting I wouldn't want. Our mother was a hardworking and multitasking woman. She engaged in different jobs; bread supplier, trader, estate agent, and bricklaying. She saved a lot through monthly contributions and invested in businesses. She taught us that one shouldn't spread his or her eggs in one basket but in different baskets. We thought mom was always stingy when we ask for money and she would decline us, no, she was only working for us to have the best life. Though she gives, but not every time.
When she died, we saw lots of money spread everywhere in the house and we were happy for her. It was the money that sustained us for some months before Dad got a business he did for a while.
My kids must understand that being financially stable requires having multiple streams of income. They must understand the tactics of spreading their eggs in different baskets.
Even though my dad never raised his hand to beat mom, he was always cussing and yelling at her every time, and this, he did in our presence. This was something I grew up to start doing for my siblings. For any small thing, I would say "You are very mad" out of anger and annoyance. Dad even went all way to start raining curses on us which we do not like.
Later in my life, I realized it was very wrong because pronouncing negative words could affect a person. I had to stop and started reversing every negative word I have said by praying to God. My dad hasn't stopped this act even when we have made him know it's wrong as a parent to utter such to his children. Since he wasn't listening, I had to tell my junior ones not to provoke him, and if at all it happens, they should always renounce it in their mind with the blood of Jesus.
I will never try such with my kids. I would instead shower them with prayers and not pronounce negative words on them.
Lastly, my dad majorly compares his children to other kids. I have made him understand that children are different and they cannot be the same. Even twins from the same parents can never be the same. He wouldn't listen. He does this, especially to my last sister.
I will never be a parent who prefers one child to another or compares them to another. This is called preferential treatment and this act hurt and affects children. When a parent engages in preferential treatment, this makes children turn against each other, thereby causing hatred. In the end, the family would end up being in disunity especially when the kids grow up. I would always want my kids to love themselves and see each other as one in the house. Love should be around them and with this, I would understand A will always be different from B.
All Gifs taken from Peakd frontend.
