Please forgive my intrusion on this deeply personal sharing you posted. But it pains me to see you repeatedly say things along these lines.

I'm weird and something is wrong with me.

I can't help but think the world would be a better place if more people were what you are. I don't care for most people, as their energy and persona they display don't align. You have good energy and display thought-full-ness.

When it comes to women, I have to suspect part of the issue is split between the quote of yours above coupled with putting women on a pedestal. Women by nature utilize their social adeptness as that is their muscle to flex. They pick up on subtleties, and guessing your feelings on yourself is not so subtle for them. Loving yourself is a step in the right direction, as most women will not wish to be with a man who feels he is not worthy. Women are drawn to men who understand exactly how worthy he is, even when the men aren't (hence the stereotype that women love assholes). You have so many gifts you bring to us, and as soon as you understand and treasure it properly you will find women will view you differently.

I wish you well and hope you will understand that true alchemy is one of transforming the self by brushing off the impurities that hide the gold of your heart. From where I sit it is easy for me to see that gold in you.