I am always the girl that is happy, bubbly one would even say. Everyone things I take everythimg with a grain of salt, forgive and forget easily. My life looks so great, just look at my Facebook....
The ugly truth is I feel dead inside most days. I put on this mask, with a giant cheerleader smile and fake life. I fake happy for my husband, for my children, for my boss, my mom, dad and every other person I come in contact with on a daily basis.
That truth is life is so hard. I am a Christian, I pray on a daily basis. Most days I pray for my family, and for me to get through the day. Some days it is to make it all end.
My mom tried to commit suicide when I was my daughters age. Back then I couldn't understand why she would even try to do that, to me, my brother, or my dad. I was so mad at her. I now understand where she was at, somedays the pain in your heart and the screaming in your head is just so much to bear, the sadness overtakes your thoughts. I understand.
This is such a prevalent disease, and yet the one suffering is treated like they aren't spiritual enough, or the family thinks, like I did, they aren't doing enough to make that person happy. The spouse feels stress because they think the sufferer has so much and yet there is still something that is keeping them from being truly happy. So you keep it all pushed deep down, hide it from all who may come in contact with you. Let everyone think that smile is the product of happiness.
Somedays the darkness from inside creeps out onto my face, I can't hide it, I can't hold it inside. .....I just can't. Today is one of those days
