John Gottman is a highly regarded psychologist and research who has analyzed married couples for over 30 years, figuring out why they stick together and why they break apart.
According to Manson, Gottman dominates the field of why people stick together.
One of Gottman’s counterintuitive conclusions mirrors the findings of Manson:
The couples that are good at fighting together, stay together.
The reality is that people will always disagree numerous times over the course of a relationship. The couples who can successfully deal with conflict are the ones whose relationships will thrive.
The bad way to fight is to do one of these four things:
Criticize your partner’s character
Be defensive or shift the blame
Show contempt towards your partner
Threaten to withdraw from the argument or ignore your partner
Instead, follow some of this advice:
Never insult or name-call your partner
Don’t bring previous fights into the current one
If things get heated, take a breather
Remember that being “right” isn’t as important as both people feeling respected
Ultimately, “fighting” is about having enough respect for someone that you genuinely want to understand their perspective and where you both differ. You don’t need to think in the same way, but you do need to respect how your partner thinks.
