Yesterday I went to a psychologist, he said that a month and a half - it was a test for me, like everything that worked for these two years, while I'm here - here it was tested. And again I came up with the idea that somehow my fire checks are always a forest fire on fifteen hectares, so that it's all or nothing. There are periods in life when everything collapses, and then I realize that this period lasted all the time I lived in St. Petersburg (at the end of March it was exactly 20 years since moving there). And nothing, fought, tore out with the teeth what was needed - and in the end where I am today compared to me coming - that's the same thing!
The psychologist said that he is surprised that I found strength and time to leave and separate from the situation - it surprises me, because it was very scary - to release what is happening out of control and to say my job is done here - when nothing is clear yet and there is a long long road ahead. But this is life, and one must understand that I can not recover for another person, and my energy is still unknown to whom it feeds more - to my mother or illness. Well, the very fact that for almost three years now I have not lived there and my beautiful castles are being built in quite a different place - this is also very important. Salvation drowning ... and further in the text. That does not cancel the fact that I will go there again, very soon, but not so long. I will rely on the existence of St. Petersburg's spring - but it is always in question.
