EPIPHANY. I recently (about 3 hours ago) closed the door on my dream/the one/husband potential guy. Why? Because of an elephant journal article: (https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/09/oxytoxic-when-good-sex-bonds-us-to-the-wrong-guy/) and a HIMYM episode (sandcastles in the sand). Yes, that's all I need to change my vision of my perfect future.
I met him when I was about 19 years old, and every time I see him I go back to that time (REVERTIGO). I'll cancel school to see him, I'm in the clouds when he visits me, I lash out when I see him talking to a girl. And he? He texts other people in the hour he was supposed to watch my performance, tells me he's going to make me feel unhappy, lashes out when I get frustrated, ignores me for a day and I've heard numberous ultimatums.
What I was holding onto?
We both wanted no kids, living abroad, far away from this cold land and my high school like crush. And well, the intercourse was nice and last but not least I had a wish to crack this guy open like an egg and make a delicious ego-sandwich with extra pride and probably neediness.
The funny thing is my friends were not impressed by him, my baby sister was not and I was too blind to see why. Too. Blind. To. See. Why. That is crazy right! I had this guy stuck on my retina with a godlike elusive appearance but he's actually not really making money, not really statisfied with his life, not really super ambitious in anything. Which I guess is okay, but it is nice to be with someone who know what he wants, my theory is; When he does know what he wants, he can really say he's choosing you.
My feelings for these guy are so intense, since the feelings are already 4 years old. 4 freaking years of old out-dated feelings, for a gut with potential. Crazy, and a relief.
People, somebody once asked me, "Why would you watch the same show over again, you know what will happen?" I'll tell you why; There are lessons hidden you might have overlooked the first time, and when to time is right to find them, you'll grow as a person. And we don't have to learn everything in one try.
LOVE LIVE LAUGH LEARN XX
