People who are really good at bragging … never seem to brag about it.

Why do people wallow in self-pity? I guess jello is too expensive.

Youth is a game of give and take: most give it no thought and take it for granted.

I would like to visit Egypt someday ... to see the Food Pyramid.

Unused clocks are a waste of time.

People probably don’t hang themselves from rainbows … because it may cloud over.

Two-toed Sloths and Three-toed Sloths do not mate with each other. It’s only a toe! That seems pretty picky.

While sitting in the park eating, I imagined the people around me as monkeys. I watched their movements, mannerisms, and facial expressions. It was pretty funny. Then I finished my banana, scratched my

When I was a kid, you could pay 50 cents to see the headless woman at the local fair. She had a bucket on top of her shoulders with a bunch of tubes running out of it; and she made jerky motions as she

There is waterproof, windproof, and fireproof things. Why is there no earthproof stuff? It seems like a very elemental oversight.

I wish someone would do something about lazy people. If a lazy person walked over to me, I'd get someone to slap them on the side of the head.

If at first you don't succeed, try try again. Unless it involves pulling out a nose hair ... because that shit hurts.

Were you ever picked last when playing sports? No. Me neither. I'm sure it's character building and loads of fun though.

A game of musical bench seems to last forever.

Snow is like chocolate pudding: children like it, but it's difficult to drive in.

If you were perfect, I think life would be a little disappointing. If I were perfect, ... well that's a different kettle of fish.

How do you know when you’ve reached your peak? I guess you never know. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective. I wish I had some “perspectacles”.