I was watching a movie with a friend when a message from one of my girlfriends popped up on my screen. It was some crying emojis, so I quickly opened my WhatsApp to check on her.
It turned out that she was on the talking stage with some guy, and he had been asking her to visit him at home. She had always been gentle with him because she liked him and didn’t want to lose him. But this guy didn’t see it that way; he felt she was playing hard to get and went hard on her. He said so many hurtful things to her. He told her she was nothing and should snap out of the high value she placed on herself. He told her she wasn’t worth anything aside from a date in his house.
“You aren’t even good enough, baby girl,” I read in the screenshots she sent.
Not only that but two years ago, her ex broke up with her after saying she wasn’t enough. They had an agreement of abstinence, but one month into the relationship, he tried to force his way. He became frustrated after many attempts and ended the relationship with verbal abuse.
My friend was broken. She kept asking if there was anything wrong with her. I didn’t know what to say to her at that point because I was at a movie, and I was supposed to avoid texting too much. I decided to forward her “Like You” by Tatiana Manaoise
It is not a “break-up song”; but she is smart, so I knew she wouldn’t be disappointed when she listened to it.
Screenshot from Audiomack App
The song “Like You” is one of the beautiful songs from one of my favorite songwriters and singers, Tatiana Manaoise. I picked the song as a wake-up call for my 20-year-old girlfriend, who is lost in her pursuit of love from toxic, nonchalant men.
The lyrics are every word a young girl needs to stay calm in hard times; it could also be very encouraging to those who are on their journey of self-discovery and improvement. Because at some point, all we need is ourselves. And that is why we need to work on ourselves to create a certain standard and value.
In my POV, I find it wrong to spend early adulthood pursuing love as a girl. There are goals and dreams to achieve; if there is a man, then he should be an intentional lover and a supportive one, not someone who will break us. Not friends who will make us feel less of ourselves.
My mind wasn’t off my friend’s situation, even when I tried to shut it off. I kept thinking about my own experiences and how people have said hurtful things because I refused to do what they expected me to do. I remember how I used to be vulnerable to toxic people’s utterances and attitudes. I would spend hours wetting my pillow and wishing I was just like “everyone,” even when I knew I couldn’t be.
“You will continue to be poor because you are too soft and ‘home-trained.’ You don’t have the heart to do what your mates do, and that is a sign of weakness. You must change your mind set in 2025” said one of my wealthy high school classmates to me in 2024.
I wasn’t surprised because that wasn’t my first time hearing things like that. At that point, I only pitied those who hadn’t grown a thick skin to these kinds of conversations.
People can break and build you with their words. That is why we have to be selective about the people we let into our space. The greatest harm you can do to yourself is to hate yourself or lose your confidence as a man or woman.
Words, especially from family and friends can have a huge impact on us.
What people say and how they treat you can shape your self-perception and confidence.
As we grow, we often encounter voices that either uplift or undermine us, so as we meander our way through life, we must learn to filter the noise and embrace the strength within ourselves.
Lyrics screenshot from Safari browser
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