Reflecting on my writing
Reflecting on life
Over thinking so many little things
I realise that I say so much with confidence
Yet mostly it's more or less a guess
It's an opinion, perhaps even less?
My mind is righteous, and I beam it out into the world
I decide and divide, naming things as you and I.
Who am I? And what is this opinion?
What is there to engage with when I don't make a claim?
If I claim to be clueless it can hardly lead to fame
We want a story, something personal
I am still not sure who 'we' is, and I refer to 'us' often
All of these stories seem more and more absurd to me
Am I becoming inhuman?
I can't seem to relate
To anything
No urge
No pull
I seem to be feeling and thinking still
But something refuses to be drawn in
Something tires of these games
So many twists and turns
It never ends
Something just wants to stay
There is something as still as a stone
Yet for the life of me I cannot find it
I cannot even find the one who is finding it
I cannot find anything
All my seeking is in vain
I've given up even seeking
Yet it brings no shame to think of my life up to this point
Turning over every rock looking for something
It seems only natural to seek it
Whatever it is we are looking for
I have failed
Yet I don't know who it is who has failed
And my purported failure is yet another story
In a series of stories that I have been thinking
Since the time that language came to me
Since language came
I have been reflecting
Abstracted into this world called mind
I have become a series of words and images
A phantom looking for something
Looking for myself in every thing
There seems to be nothing left to do, except nothing
So I'm not doing anything
What could there be to do?
What will happen?
No way to know except to do it
Or not to do it
To simply be
The seeker fears his demise
Restlessness arises
Many fluctuations, all perceived
Who is this perceiver?
Who am I?
Armed with this bag of questions
I continue into the unknown
No more certain than when I began
And perhaps even less so
Do I need assumptions to function?
This is the current test
How much less can there be
For things to still prosper
Can I take away 'me'?
I don't have the answers
I don't have anything at all
Experiencing peak uncertainty
Don't pull the parachute just yet
The inquiry continues
Gratitude to Beloved Master Sri Mooji for his non dual 'pointings'. Dial him into YouTube if you are curious as to what on earth I am on about.