If you want to keep it a secret,you keep it yourself. This is a famous saying that describes what the nature of a secret is and why it should be so. At some point in life,one can be at a crossroad in deciding if a secret should remain one especially when life,safety and well-being is involved. I had a friend named Paul who was a family friend and was fond of my son when he was a little boy. Paul was born into a family as an illegitimate child of his father's girlfriend. His father's wife made it clear that she will not accept him as a part of the family. This led to a big problem and Paul's mother had to live with her child in a shanty part of Lagos. His mother eventually broke up with his father and by this time his father now had other children from his wife. life for Paul was hard from childhood.
Things got so bad that is father had to take him in but due to maltreatment from his stepmother Paul's paternal grandfather took him to stay with him in another state. He spent most part of his childhood years with his grandfather until his death.Paul was forced to return to his father's house and face the challenges there as he was now a teenager. As he grew older ,he never knew that he had contracted Hepatitis B,a serious liver disease. The tests he did initially did not review this and so he kept treating himself of other perceived ailments for over decade. This was made worse by his resorting to the use of herbal concoctions out of frustration.
Life was sometimes good to Paul and things got to a point when he decided to get married.As it's normal, the two love birds decided to go for a comprehensive medical test. It was revealed at this point that Paul was suffering from Hepatitis and at this time it has become chronic. I and a few friends took it upon ourselves to see what can be done to save him. The depression this caused made his health to seriously deteriorate. Paul is a highly emotional person. As we took him for treatment at a hospital where one of my relatives worked,he was eager to know his chances of survival and there the doctor who happened to be a relative broke the news.
"It is a bad case", the doctor said "and he may not come out alive. His liver has been scarred and he has just a few weeks to live if his condition does not improve"
We all prayed and hoped that he could be stabilized to a point where he will be able to withstand a liver transplant.Paul is a highly emotional person and he needed to be strong now, we decided not to tell him or anyone else that he has a few weeks to live. As we worked out of the doctors office we met Paul sitting by the corridor he raised his head likely to read the expressions on our faces. As we walked him down the stairs so as to get him a bed in the hospital he asked us questions that have haunted me since then.
"My friends my brothers what did the doctor say"?"Will I make it"? It was a moment when I who was the closest to him battled to suppress my emotions. Should I tell him or his fiancee that he will soon die? We struggled to raise money for a transplant.He requested to see me at some point. When I was alone with him on what turned out to be his death bed, he asked me this hard hitting question: "The P (as he fondly called me)please tell me,will I make it,will I survive this"?
Unfortunately I could not tell him the fact that is now a secret. He had less than a 10% chance of survival. If I reveal this fact to him the Paul I knew might have decided to end it all that day coupled with the fact that he was already having suicidal thoughts before that time.
Things looked promising after that day and he was in high spirits as a joked and discussed with his carers and others who came to visit him but afterwards he slipped into unconsciousness. He never recovered and a few days later I got a call that Paul had died and his last words were:"thank you, thank you ,thank everyone for me".
In conclusion,each time I look back and try to put myself in his position I feel guilty that I didn't tell him what will eventually happen to him. Even when he asked me, I kept it from him till he went to his grave. On a second thought,would I have forgiven myself if I tell him and he took his life since he was already having suicidal thoughts because of his lot in life? Paul's life story has been a tragic tale of misfortune, errors and pain.Each time I wonder, could I have made him know that he was about to die?
