Every few minutes it is like I realize I am holding 10 pound dumbbells. I set them down. Another set appears in my hands. I set them down.
10 pounds per hand may not seem like a lot, but when the reps are infinite, the weight gets tiring. I want to lay down on the ground and bury my hands to not feel the pull for awhile.
(
When it read 
I almost said I have been looking at it "all wrong," but that is a judgment against myself. I have been consciously judging for myself lately. That is precisely what I need to focus on today.
The statements I have been making to myself claim this weight is never ending. I have lost my way back to the wonder and lightness of innocence and happiness. The world of Oreos and milkshakes?
(
The heavy weight is a judgment against myself. What if my internal dialogue looked less like:
"Here's another set of weights. You deserve them. Are you tired? You deserve it. Don't bother getting out of bed today. The weights are never ending. Stay down, Dani."
And more like:
"You seem to be shedding quite a lot of dead weight, Dani! Great job putting it down. Each rep is you getting stronger even as the heaviness you are carrying is lessened. Keep going!"
What if, instead of looking at my confused internal map as me lost in the wilderness, I see it as an opportunity for adventure?
(
After all, if I am writing my story hard parts and all, I am still holding the pen (or keyboard, in this case). I get to choose the ending.
I feel excited. The very idea is freeing.
Thank you,
xoxo,
Dani
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