When I get into a fight with my cousin and the moment my mom steps in I'd rather make peace than have my ass whoop by mom pic I nominate @gangresteem and @gunskins to participate in this round.

My cousin and I after watching Avatar: The Last Airbender Next time, I'm choosing fire pic I nominate @chrisee and @aninhasalegre for this round.

When you've been humping everything in sight, you forget and do the motion at the most inopportune time Do I run...oh dang, I think I'm out pic

I've been told that math is important because it's applicable in life and will use it even with day to day living. I finally understand its important uses...though, I'd go for a higher number, just to

I thought I'd take up tap dancing I didn't know you need special shoes for that pic

I love going to the beach. I enjoy the sun on my face, the cool waters, sand beneath my feet, watching the girls, maybe talking to one or 2. Whoa! Lesson learned: always approach from the front where you

I think my teachers are racists or sexists, cists or something ists. When other students, especially girls, are talking in class, the teachers don't mind. But the moment, I (an Asian nigger) and my friends

When you get a girl a few drinks and she starts loosening up You begin to have hope that something good might come out of this night as you eyed her hungrily. Oh yeah, cook me up something delicious, girl.

When a girl tries to be playful to catch the attention of a boy But she doesn't know he has anger issues pic I nominate @runningman and @mymemeisthebest for Comedy Open Mic Round 4.

When you get the bright idea to teach your girlfriend how to shoot and she takes to it like a duck to water I'd be really scared, too....better lock up the guns and throw away the key pic

I'm trying out different pick up lines to see which would work on a girl. I've seen some good ones but I'm really considering this one I think girls like studs pic

This is how I use public toilets Gotta protect myself from germs pic

My dad recently had the birds and the bees talk with me You may chase them, but make sure you don't get them all I nominate @mathson and @lamteemit. pic

When you piss off a blind person Be ready to get whacked pic

Back in the islands, whenever a youngster misbehaved in any way, the elders (older siblings, uncles, aunties, parents, etc.) always tell them they're gonna slap them with their feet. I always brushed it

My mom told me not to touch her coke I didn't listen, now I know why COMEDY OPEN MIC: ROUND 2, ENTRY 2 pic

When my mom told me to take out the trash and that she meant it I didn't want to be in any more trouble than I already was pic

When I'm asked a direct question and have no idea what the conversation has been about Hmmm, let me consult with the council (my parents) and get back to you pic

When mom says you can order whatever you want But there's no fried chicken on the menu Comedy Open Mic Round 2 pic

When you have supportive friends But they're as dumb as you are That should lessen the chances of propagating that gene pics: 1,2