Today I am going to be completely transparent with you. I hesitate to write this because I don't want to seem like I'm whining or looking for sympathy. Really, however, I think you might learn a thing or two from my experience here. Maybe you'll be able to relate or maybe you won't but either way I think what I'm going to say about my realization to find a better perspective will make the most sense to you with a bit of background story. I already talked about a good part of my last years journey here in my first post: https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@patrick-g/less-than-h1-greater-than-how-i-broke-free-from-my-corporate-gig-less-than-h1-greater-than
This morning I woke up after only four hours of sleep. I went to bed at 3:30 am because I had stayed up to read articles on Steemit in and tried to read more of the Steemit White Paper. Which to be honest with you is a very tough read for me. It's just so uninteresting. Don't get me wrong I want to learn how to make money on Steemit but I don't want to read 44 pages to do it. I'm trying to read a few pages a day until I have it all read.
When I went to bed I was exhausted and fell asleep right away. But then I awoke four hours later and laid in bed for another hour when I decided to get up and get started with researching a Webinar idea that has been rattling around in my head the last 2 weeks for my Guitar Lessons business.
As I got up to make coffee and start to meditate a feeling of dread came over my whole body and mind. It was a feeling that this is it; I've reached the end of the road.
You see, two weeks ago I hit a deer on my way home from Ubering and I have not had any income coming in since then because my car was in the autobody shop getting fixed. Plus, I have had 3 other minor accidents with my car while Ubering in the last year and I've been Ubering because my Guitar Lesson business has not generated enough income to live on so I had to do something while I send out resumes to corporations and recruiters who for the most part never get back to you and if you call them they tell you they will call you.
Then a thought came to me!
The truth is, whatever my current situation is... (and I was feeling miserable, unhappy and stressed this morning over the prospects of perhaps becoming homeless) it’s NOT because of my current situation.
The truth is I was feeling like this because of how I was thinking about the situation.
I realized that for today at least, I needed to tell myself that things will get better and that SOMEHOW my vision for my dream life will still be achieved, This made me feel happier.
It’s not the external situation that’s causing my suffering. It’s my thoughts about the situation that is causing my suffering.
My thoughts are causing my suffering!
So I stopped and said my“declaration” out loud...the one I created a year ago when I left my corporate gig.
The bottom line is that emotionally resisting what is going on in my life and fighting it in my mind by saying it shouldn’t be this way, or saying this is wrong won’t help me to think and figure out what I need to do next to get to where I want to go in life. In fact, it has the opposite effect on me. It slows me down and makes me feel lethargic and unable to think.
So I decided to work on my market research in Facebook and Twitter for what struggles other guitar players may be experiencing. I did that and I also read and wrote for Steemit.
What had been bothering me up to that point was my thought about "what if" and later in the week if things don't go like I'd like them to then I'm not going to like to call my Landlord, My Mom, My brother etc....
But right now, I can do something about it. Right now, there's no emergency. Just concentrate on what will get me to my goal and lets just work and think on that thing. Nothing else. This helped free me to get going in my work and stopped my anxiety completely for today.
Tomorrow I suspect I will need to repeat the process. But I also think it will be easier tomorrow because I already have planned what I need to do next.
