I have often noticed how essential the ability to cry is in order to release penned up emotions and to loosen the obsessive grip on our inner world of conditioning.
As men, we are not meant to cry, especially in public. That said, I had never really felt any need to do so, that is - until the closing set of my second Ozora festival where the dams just broke...
The day was perfect. The week at the festival was coming to an end and it had been a marvellous party here in Hungary again filled with meeting awesome people and learning about what it means to be a human being. Or rather: Remembering what it means.
The day was slowly coming to an end, we had been dancing all morning and emotions were running high: When a transformative week slowly draws to a close it is really hard to let it go and face the oddities of regular society again. Partly because most people "out there" have no ability to relate to psychedelic states of mind, partly because the resulting divide between people can become unbearable when one is familiar how intimate communication generally is on psychedelic states of mind, and how much of that we filter out in our regular modes of consciousness.
The closing set was played by Dick Trevor, a veteran of the psy scene, and when he started playing the last set for the week the whole festival went into some sort of upward love-spiral.
The vibe on the floor was mindblowing - there was a definite sense of people understanding themselves as part of a larger tribe, the keen sense of knowing when you look at someone else, and their compassionate reaction to your own presence there. Everything seemed perfect, nothing was out of place here.
As the set progressed more and more people were showing up to give it their all for the last hours, a time when the whole valley is united and grateful for the transformative times during the week. One final set for everyone to get together and say goodbye to the party and each other for another year.
The dancing became more intense, people were amping each other up, sharing beverages, spliffs and hugs all over the place. All colors and ages present on the floor as well - a smiling kid on her mom's shoulders over here, an old dude with a cane over there, dogs running around on the open fields, soap bubbles flying across the dancefloor mirroring the sky like a thousand crystal ball... it was a vivid image of how people can and - maybe - ought to live together - in respectful cooperation where anyone chooses his own way of expression and nobody feels obligated or forced to do anything. People, situations and progressions just find each other here there is nothing to be done. It's more like a witnessing of unspeakably profound social relationships develop to form something more profound...
But it was when everything came together that my ego gave up resisting the avalanche of emotions. It was just too good to not get swepped away by it.
The organizer of the festival came onto the stage in the last hour of the set, and he had his young son up there with him which captured people's attention. the kid may have been about 3 years old or something like that and the moment the two got up there they were facing 20.000 smiling people celebrating life and the universe.
It must have been one of the most formative and memorable moments in a lifetime of the kid, and we could see how mightily that energetic wave had hit the little dude. He was loving it!
He looked up to dad for reassurance as dad took his arms and danced with his son up there next to the DJ, together with all the people down on the floor. It felt like thousands of us were doing our best to cheer the kid on, and to put emphasis to this experience of dancing with strangers in a type of public most kids have never experienced. In a way, all of us became the enablers of this most profound social interaction, underscoring the open-minded party attitude towards the kid.
But the interaction didn't stop there, the organizer took off his straw hat, gave it to his son and pointed towards the people on the floor. The kid drew his arm back and threw the hat into the crowd, where the hat was instantly caught and it became a game, naturally. The dude who had caught the hat was waiting for the kid to look at him again, and threw the hat back to him with a huge grin, a wave of cheering came from the crowd as the kid caught the hat. The kid laughed and smiled - he had the time of his life here. So dad pointed to another dude in the crowd and the kid threw it again.
He loved it so much, wow. I have never seen a kid so happy as the hat went flying back into and from the mainfloor onto the stage half a dozen times and the whole floor taking part in this exchange with their mere attention and presence.
We were all pulling in the same direction here, in case there was any doubt left after this amazing week.
As I stood (danced) there and watched the scene unfold it just hit me. Here were people taking part in this important experience of exchange and in reassuring each other that there are people out there who care and that one can work with instantly. Any lingering feelings of separation or mistrust were blown away, I had never felt the presence of human empathy so strongly as here this week, and when the sun started setting and blasted through the floor decoration and the dust we had stirred up by our dancing, when the tracks got better and better towards the end of the set and when the energy on the floor got more loving propelled through this public but intimate hat-throwing exchange I felt a large wave of emotions rolling. Another group of hippies came dancing who hugged me, I saw many other people hug on the floor, smiles everywhere and total and utter clarity about the meaning behind this gathering and the importance of this moment. It was grown-ups playing with one another!
I looked down at my legs that were dirty from all the barefoot-dancing, my body was tired after all this healthy movement during the week and there was still a lingering bit of acid in my system... I was perfectly satisfied. Content. Heck, I was in need of nothing, everything was perfect.
A wall of tears came flowing down my cheeks as I had this big-ass smile on my face that wouldn't quite go away at the realization how awesome everything is. I had to chuckle at the notion that part of me was trying to get rid of it ahahaha, it felt like a long-overdue release. The more I saw how much fun the kid was having with the crowd, the more everything else seemed to tweak itself for exceptionality. It really is hard to put it into words. It's like the amping up of the energetic spiral was set and certain, and we were just getting to that point in time where everything goes together and makes total and utter sense far beyond from any logical explanation or a need for one.
The moment I started to cry it's like the universe threw me 5 more synchronicities to show me that this experience was essential and that this had to happen here, today. A girl that canded next to me hugged me instantly when she saw tears rolling down my face. She started to cry as well and we were laughing hard at the same time. Moments later after I opened my eyes again in heavy dancing I saw that many people around me had watery eyes as well. And that noone minded but rather enjoyed this display of vulnerability as an utter sign of approval for the party and the experience.
I had never cried happy tears dancing with strangers but here it was happening. If I had to put my finger on it I want to say I was proud. I felt proud to be part of the human family and that there were some people after all who had not forgotten their playful nature and how important it is to celebrate life in openness in an age where mistrust is seeded and created among people artificially. These scenes and their profound effect on me here were somehow proof that there is hope after all!
I felt free! I felt like the importance of the cosmic synchronicities and the beauty of the day had materialized and broken the dam beyond anything I thought possible. And that it would be majorly important for my life from here on out. I must have cried for an hour or so all the way til the end of the set, long after dad and his son had gone off the stage , and the feeling of the broken damn never quite left me since then either.
Where I thought I needed certain things to be happy I suddenly realized I don't really need much to be happy at all. A good dancefloor, sunshine, openminded compassionate people to explore with and a willingness to work on oneself. And arguably food, water and sleep.
And the experience of the cosmos flowing together in a most timely and magically interactive way allowing for visions of the future where strangers meet one another in respect and with the attitude of enabling each other to become great.
Ever since, crying comes easy and natural for me when I am moved. And where I remember the past mindfucks of insecurity, I now feel the memory of those people present with me that enabled me to trust that opening myself to the avalanche of emotions is not only alright: it is probably essential for most people who would secretly love to do it, but cannot find the courage or the permission to feel that it is alright.
I say: Learning to cry has been essential to my life. Ozora - I will be forever grateful for that magnificent learning experience with the love crew, it has taught me immensely. Thank you!
Img srcs:
Venturo Ruben Photography
True Humanity Photography
