Life is a journey that is filled with a lot of lessons, experiences, and moments that have shaped us into who we really are. Some of these lessons were learned from other people's experiences, while we faced others firsthand. There are some of these experiences where we recover quickly from them, and some would have to take a lot of time, reflection, and growth to fully process them. Looking back at my life, I wouldn't say I regret how I have lived certain aspects of it because from those experiences I have come to understand that even the mistakes I made have played a lot of significant roles in shaping the person I have become. Looking back today, I can say I am proud of who I am becoming; it’s been a journey of self-awareness and learning.
Growing up, I will have to admit that I was very proud. I always felt I could do life without anyone's help; I had this belief that I don't need anyone’s help, mostly friends. A big part of this mindset came from the fact that, since my dad was financially stable and well-connected, if I ever got to need anything, he would always come through for me.I didn’t see the value in maintaining relationships, and I thought I could thrive without nurturing close friendships, though some of this mindset also came from some friends disappointing me and leaving me shattered.
The truth is, I met some amazing people along the way. They wanted to be friends with me, and I realize now that I was blessed to attract good-hearted people. I can't explain it, but I have always been the kind of person who gets noticed in a crowd. I am not the regular girl that's friendly with new people she just met; on the contrary, I am quiet and reserved, especially in unfamiliar environments, but people often gravitate toward me. Despite all this, I didn’t know how to maintain or nurture those friendships. So I let people slip away, not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t understand the importance of putting in the effort to keep them in my life.
I have never been the type to have a large circle of friends, and even now, my circle is still very small. But over time, I have come to see the value of having genuine, meaningful connections. The reality hit me very hard after I graduated from university. I realized how I had missed out on opportunities to build and sustain friendships that could have enriched my life. I began to realize how important it is to have people who truly know you, who support you, and who you can lean on during life’s highs and lows.
Sometimes when I look back, I kind of feel a sense of sadness. I wish I had understood and known this earlier. I wish I had made more of an effort to keep those good people in my life, because some of them really wanted to be with me, not necessarily because I had anything to offer them—they liked my person and wanted to be around me. There are certain friends from my past whose paths I wish would cross mine again. If I were given a second chance, I would pour my heart into building and maintaining meaningful relationships and connections. I would be more intentional about my friends.
I am not friendless; I have a few good friends now, and I cherish them deeply, but I can’t help but think about the ones I let go. I have told myself moving forward never to take genuine and good friendships for granted.
THANK YOU FOR READING TO THE END 🤗
