This question was posited to me on Tumblr of all places and asked anonymously.
I have my eye on someone romantically and we've dated a couple times but he doesn't sign around me, why not? Also should I learn ASL anyway?It largely depends on the deaf person as to whether or not they sign. It's a common misconception that deaf people can't speak for example and yet another misconception that's all too common is that every one of us can sign. So I'm not sure of your love interest's reasons for not signing around you.
Around my husband, for example, I don't sign. I actually don't sign around most people unless I either A). Know they already know ASL, PSE or SEE or B). Are wanting to learn ASL, PSE or SEE. In my husband's case having cerebral palsy, learning a new language like ASL would be a great challenge for him, let alone the more complicated Signed Exact English. He has trouble communicating verbally as it is, and I can't and won't fault him for not learning to sign, I don't expect it of him.
Likewise, many mainstread deafs don't expect their partners to learn how to sign. In fact many mainstreamed deafs can't sign as they've gotten by solely by what little they can hear coupled with lip reading and closed captioning and the like... and a lot of bluffing... and isolation.. depending on the deaf person.
In order to know if he can sign, it's best to just ask him. And no it's not offensive to pull out your phone and type what you're wanting to say, it's actually a very good idea so please, do so. It shows you care enough about us that you want to communicate and are willing to put the effort into typing it out for us to understand the whole of what you want to say or ask. No misunderstanding nor bluffing required. :D
If he can sign, it'd be up to him if he's alright with you not learning at least ASL, though I suspect that if it's not been brought up already by him, he either doesn't know how to sign himself (which does happen more than you'd think honestly) or he chooses not to sign around the hearing because what's the point if the hearing doesn't know or isn't interesting in learning?
So just ask him "Can you use ASL?"
ASL in ASL is the following.
Yes is simply your first (Letter A) moved up and down at the wrist.
That's your first lesson with ASL, there's plenty of free resources to learn it. I'd recommend LifePrint. Not only is the instructor himself deaf, but he goes into using the proper syntax with using ASL as well as a lot of details on deaf culture as well that may be valuable for you to learn. Like when signing your name, you'd finger spell your entire name unless a deaf person who uses signing as their primary language assigns you a sign name. There's a reason for this involving the sign name could already be taken by another member of the deaf community, or you could be signing something considered offensive or insulting. Best way to view it? It's a deaf thing.
After you get the information from your love interest about whether or not he can sign and does, if he does, he may be excited to know you're willing to learn how to better communicate with him. If he doesn't already know how to sign, but willing to learn, consider learning ASL as a couple so you can help each other and practice with each other to use the language.
It's exceptionally rare for me to personally sign, and I have gotten very rusty over the years. I was mainstreamed and didn't learn until my early 20's how to sign. However I'm chest deep in the world of the hearing, I'm not into deaf culture itself, I know very, very few deaf people in my personal life and overall, I'd prefer myself to just be hearing, but I'm not. My own goal is to fix my hearing and I'll be doing that soon enough. I hate being deaf, some deaf, though, love it. Guess you don't hate what you don't miss.
So get some communication going. If he does sign, he'll at least be excited and happy to know you're looking to and willing to learn. If he doesn't sign, he may have other methods of communication that work just fine. For me, just gently tap me on the shoulder to grab my attention and don't turn away from me mid sentence, that's fine. He may be just like that and simply request you get his attention first and face him and pay attention to him when in conversation.
If he's a lip reader, be kind and aware that lip reading is very draining since it requires a ton of focus and effort. So be sure to be kind and give him breaks to kinda zone out. Long conversations can be tough.
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://cryptodeaf.cloudaccess.host/2018/02/hearing-dating-deaf-learn-asl/