Hey all, hope you're having a simply incredible day (and if not that, then at least bareable..)
In my last post announcing my new podcast, I said I would write about the reason for the name, and the meaning behind it.
So, here goes..
There was a period in my life, around 8 years ago, when I got addicted to computer games.
I don't know if any of you have any experience, or know someone who suffered from this addiction.
I would assume that some of you may not even be aware of this affliction, or how serious it can.
My addiction wasn't as severe as some, but at its peak, I was spending 18 and 20 hours a day playing...
The worst of it lasted about 3 months... (I have a friend who had it worse and it took him years until recovered).
My point is, it can be a serious addiction.
(probably a dopamine addiction, but I haven researched that..)
It was during those brief months that I suffered from a period of depression, after a rather messy break up from my fiancé.. (brief since the days seemed to simply fly by instantly...)
That was, to this day, the darkest period of my life.
I was not a person. I was definitely not myself, as I didn't exist yet... My old identity died with the 3 year relationship, and my new one hadn't formed yet. I was 'in between', and so nowhere.
I can blame my depression for starting the addiction (as a lot of addiction start) but by the time I felt better, or enough time had passed, it was too late.. I was hooked..
It took me a very long time to really get over the game.
I would be thinking about it all the time. When I wasn't playing I would count the minutes till I could. I would regularly miss meals without noticing, and on more than one occasion I remember waking up, saying to myself (seriously) OK, one quick game just before I get up, and the next thing I know the sun is setting.. I unfortunately kid you not..
It was rough. I had no control, as I just couldn't stop.
Luckily, I managed to gain enough awareness at one point, after months of on and off, to uninstall the game, and from then, I had the amount of time it would take to reinstall (about 45 minutes..) to get 'back on the wagon so to speak..
Not so easy for other addictions..
I learned a lot from that experience.. It certainly played a major role in who I am today..
It is also where I started to experience, first hand, the dangers of comfort..
I was a very comfortable person before. I would spend many hours in bed, even before playing games. I had trouble mustering the motivation to do, nearly anything.. I would say, as many had called me before, that I was lazy.
To be perfectly honest, I was proud of my laziness.
I felt it was a crowning achievement, in a society where everyone is so hell bent on getting everything done until they collapse from the stress at 50, being able to refuse to do, to simply not do (we don't even have a verb for it), is a gift.
In fact, I still feel this is somewhat true today. Many people, do more than they should. Feel guilty when they don't do something, and seem to be in a real race against the clock to tick off as many boxes before going to bed and thinking about all the boxes tomorrow will bring..
In a world where we are driven to do, more than we are driven to think, I would spend most of my time thinking instead of doing.
This helped me develop my mental capacity, to which I am eternaly greatful. But nothing in life is free, or to put it less economicly, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
This led to a bias towards my mental faculties.
Which brings us to comfort. Comfort is many things for many people, but I would suggest a generalisation of 'feeling good'. To put it as simply as possible, being comfortable means that nothing is bothering you.
Since I was preoccupied with thoughts, reading and learning, I needed my physical body to be as comfortable as possible, so as not to disturb my brain.
I was in my twenties..
It was not until that dark period, that I suddenly saw what too much comfort could do.
When I played the game, I was the most comfortable I could be. Nothing could bother me. I felt wonderful, all the time, and nothing else mattered.
I felt so great, that I didnt want to do anything else.
Until eventually I realised that for the last few months, I couldn't point to a single thing I had done. I hadn't read. I hadn't written. I hadn't played music. I was completely empty creatively. It was a very strange, and numbing feeling..
It was at that moment I began my research studying this phenomenon of comfort. Why did i yearn for it so much? What was the cost?
I had payed a heavy price for that comfort. And I made up my mind, to never let that happen again.
But I didn't stop there. I saw comfort pose a threat to my creativity and motivation in so many areas in my life. Lying down instead of sitting, smoking pot. Watching Netflix. Eating chocolate.
I started to see them all as honey pots, so sweet and sticky that if you touch it, it's a very slippery slope, and you can get very stuck, very quickly.
So I made a vow. It wouldn't be for another 5 years before I would chance upon a random youtube channel carrying the moto that epitomised my quest, better than I ever could.
Seek discomfort.
The channel is called yes theory and I will save their publicity for later, as I believe they deserve their own post for their works. If you haven't heard of them, check them out (after reading this post..)
But this sentence... Seek discomfort.
It resonated with me. I had been on this journey, this discovery, of what challenging myself and leaving my comfort zone, is all about. When I heard it put so simply, so succinctly, seek discomfort, it tied together everything so nicely.
Which brings us to my new podcast.
The name Discomfort-Zone has two meanings.
First this is my discomfort zone. Talking, live, for an hour, scares me.
I feel very confident in my words, I've always been able to express myself, and make sure I'm heard (to a fault at times..) and as I mentioned, my mental faculties are where I draw my confidence from. Nevertheless, to talk, live when I can see people listening, and even interacting is pretty nerve racking.
But this is something I have to do. The calling to do this doesn't come from a place seeking comfort, or pleasure. It is to strive towards growth, change, and challanges. To push myself, and continue pushing myself, to never stay too long inside my comfort zone.
I cannot speak of success, or failure in this endeavour, since I am not doing it for those reasons. I need to do this, for me, if for no other reason, then for the sake of doing. That is enough of a reason for me.
The second meaning of the name, is for the audience. You (hopefully).
In this podcast, I want to be free to speak my mind. I want to feel completely free from all outside judgment and criticism. I belive that feeling can never be given from the outside. But must always be developed from within.
Therefore, the name serves as a warning. This is not a place to come and feel comfy. My ideas and plans, are (normally Considered) very radical. And some would say, not only fantastical (as in not real) but downright dangerous..
I am not trying to scare anyone away, only to prepare you for what will be.
The ideas I talk about, may well cause some of you discomfort. If that is the case, I am happy, as that means I am getting through.
(Just to be clear, theres no weird kinky shit or anything like that.. More like radical anarchy, a boundless trust of human kind, and the strongest belief that changing the world, is not a waste of a dream...)
So, there you have.
This is me.
Truly and wholeheartedly.
If you like what you read, make sure to tune in Tomorrow Thursday 16.1.20 22:00 UTC, for the first episode!
Thank you very much for reading. I hope it will serve you in the most apt way for you.
Until next time, take care.
