I looked up. Gray. Black. Clouds gather, line up to cover the blue sky and the warmth of the sun. A second later I could feel a drop of water fall on my forehead. Cold.
I looked at my empty hands open. Only emptiness that I can now feel there. But now the rain has started to wet. People around me began to run around looking for a place to shelter, while the lucky ones had brought an umbrella in a hurry to get it out of their bags. Nobody reprimanded me. But I could feel the gazes of some of them, who were surprised because I did not budge, did not move from where I am now.
They say the void is empty, back to zero. But the true meaning of emptiness existed even before mathematicians discovered the number zero. The void is empty, not even filled with zeros. Space without air - no, even space itself doesn't exist. And that 'empty space' must be filled with something, to prove that 'he' exists. To revive something that has been lost. To re-create something new.
To hell with Newton's action-reaction theory. Humans are already too proud to follow natural laws. When they have received something they want, their mouths are too lazy to just say a word of thanks. Moreover, return the favor. They also no longer want to be bound by gravity. Stick to a new point they made themselves; whether it's work, school, family and their loved ones more than themselves. And when they lose it, they will float in an empty space with no air called nothing. Swim without water, breathe without oxygen, wander without direction. They cannot return to the gravity they left first, unless the force wants them.
My gaze now returned to the wet asphalt under my feet. I don't know how long I've been standing here. I do not know how long the rain has been driving down. But I could feel my body starting to tremble with cold, clinging to the one-layer clothes that were now completely wet. The grains of rain were large and piercing, freezing my senses. I could not feel the tips of my fingers, let alone the eyes of people who were surprised because I did not immediately find shelter since earlier. A gust of cold wind forced me to raise my face to the direction the wind was coming from.
And I hope I find you there. For no reason why.
I was originally zero, empty, without air, first filled a year ago, with a simple 'hello' greeting, warm, and without further ado. Initially you only left a speck of red, which increasingly buried orange, green, blue, until it became a rainbow. The myth that is said that there is treasure at the end of the rainbow is true; because I found you in the estuary.
For the rest of my life I refuse to play with my heart. The heart is not math that can be calculated, or physics that can be predicted. Instead, the heart disrupted the rules that had been determined more than a thousand years ago. When mathematics says one plus one is two, only the heart denies that one plus one ends up returning to one. When someone finally unites with the person he loves, then they will become one and the same soul. A typical cheap romantic phrase that I usually encounter every day in magazines or television series. And only the heart tells us that falling is beautiful and sweet, when physics is scattered with potential energy, gravity, and Newton's third law.
I am a calculating person. I tried to run from risk, not collide with problems, let alone to fall into the dark frustrated. And I don't know what to name my meeting with you; luck? Bad luck? Life is like a wheel; when you feel life can no longer be more beautiful, there is a point that makes you feel you are the most ugliest person on earth. Therefore, I don't want to be a happy person. I don't want to face the point under the spinning wheel.
But you teach that with these two contrasting points, life becomes even more valuable, more interesting. Feelings of pleasure when you are at the top, also a feeling of relief when you have passed the area below. The longer I forget the mathematical formulas and physics. You're the one who slipped the logic of the heart in my brain that had frozen for years; who now believe that at the end of one plus one you will only find one.
Do you remember what you did afterwards?
I was shivering in the pouring rain. My instincts have forced me to immediately find a shelter to warm myself, and even better if I immediately go home and change clothes, maybe after that enjoy a cup of warm tea accompanied by television news. But my feet are petrified. Or freeze cold. I do not know since when my cheeks flowed tears that are now mixed with rain water that without pause down my cheeks. Rainwater has flooded the streets to the ankles. It turns out that my toes are indeed frozen, unable to move.
Just like you, who already don't have time to explain to me that the heart also has a zero point. Did you know, in mathematics, one plus one that ends two, requires two to make it worthless again? And it would be wonderful if the heart has the same benchmark with mathematics. But when the two turn out to be one, you only need one to make it empty. And when we melt into one, then you suddenly disappear, where are my grades now? Where are the seven colors of rainbow you left? Where do I find the sound?
I promise this is the last time I look at the sky. Maybe I'm floating now, I've lost my own gravity, and maybe the earth doesn't want me to come back either. The rain had stopped, and the people who had stopped for a while to take shelter had now returned to their respective activities. A uniformed security guard approached me and asked, only I heard what he was asking. I don't care either.
But the sky that I see now is the color of the sea that you like.
