Missing

I got a hole in my heart
Since you left I've fallin apart
I lost my peace with myself but at least I try to stay strong
I knew I never really belonged with any crowd
I left god after your passing now I walk with my head down cause I know I'm hell bound
I take a look around and see happy faces while my mind wonders off into darker places
I can't sleep at night cause I get nightmares of demons with evil stares but still no one really cares
I feel like a disappointment in your eyes because You asked on your death bed "Please don't leave god" and I went ahead and said "okay I won't"
That was the biggest lie to come out of my throat
I wrote to you in my prayer
I don't know maybe you aren't there and life isint so fair
I still don't why you had to get cancer
I asked the pastor and he didint know either
My heart grows cold with every life blow that is thrown at me
We all often forget how much life should be admired
I just know I'm damned to internal fire
I feel like with you gone I got so I missing
I'm still reminiscing back on my seventh birthday
You baked me a caterpillar cupcake with my age and name on top
Around my tenth year your heart stopped and now It's been ten years without you here and I now smoke and drink beer to kill my emotion
I'm going everywhere like a hurricane ocean
Once a pure soul and now I have a corrupted mind
You look deep and you will find the good in me still
My will is weak and I just hope we can have a seat an speak with each other
How is heaven like, does it really have nice weather?
Can you walk, eat and sleep with a tiger
Is the water really clear enough to see your reflection?
Is there really no more hurt of pain or depression?
I could tell you how everyone's doing too
You got three graduates and a fourth on the way
Gio is in middle school and he says a lot how he still miss you
B is in sixth grade and with her around your image never will fade
You got five amazing boys and one Beautiful girl
Alright enough with the answers and question
I ain't mad with Jesus, God or the Holy Ghost
I'm just upset I can't take you back on earth where you mattered the most
You were there for my birth and rasied a toast
You loved me for what I was worth and that was millions
You blessed six childrens and now you're gone forever
We all love and miss but will never forget you
Now go on and Rest In Peace, Mom