The birds were chirping and he could hear them sing from where he sat. On a wooden bench, surrounded by overgrown weeds. They were a mix of different beautiful flowers and he wondered just how unwanted they were and felt. Bright yellow like the sun, blue like the colour of the sky. They weren't allowed to go any further but struggled to be near. To get a glimpse of what it felt to be taken care of, to be needed. He wasn't one to sit on a random bench and start pitying nature. He wasn't one to strain his ears to hear the birds sing. He wasn't one to relate with the flowers that laid beneath his feet. He wasn't one to just be.
It was hard to swallow it all. The feeling that resided deep within him. He was broken and he felt like the pieces of him could not be matched together and attached. It was a random sunny afternoon, a weather for fun and happy smiles. One for laughter and tears of joy. But all he felt was the way the weather was on a raining day. Darkness and gloom.
How can I make this stop? He yelled, but couldn't quite get the words out. He glanced up to the sky and down to his feet and wondered just how he could get the words out, the right words. He needed help, but they were hard words to voice out. It wasn't a girl who made him feel the way he felt, it wasn't the death of someone who brought him this low, it wasn't a loved one who reduced him to nothing. Yes, he indeed felt like nothing. Like the whole world could end right there and now, and he'd have no regrets and nothing to lose. He'd feel no pain on how he missed out on things and how he wished he could do more, be more.
This wasn't a feeling of want. It wasn't a feeling of misery. It was a feeling of pure sadness. Pure and raw, sprouted from the roots of nothing. He felt a droplet of liquid on his cheek and raised his head up to the sky to check if it had began to rain. It wasn't raining. He closed his eyes to blink and felt another droplet down his other cheek. He was crying and he didn't know why. Could it be some sickness? Was he losing his mind?
Quickly, he brought his right palm to his face and wiped vigorously. He felt weak but that didn't mean he had to seem weak. No, never. He chanted in his head. They didn't have to know how he felt. No one had to know how he felt.
He wanted to yell. To scream so loud the birds close would fly away. He was atleast a good mile away from civilization. Noone ever came to this side of town and that's why he loved coming there. To be alone. He never got that in town. He always had to talk to someone and he hated it. Not the people, the talking. The conversation. They were all an extension of life that he had no interest in.
Help me, he wallowed. His lips trembled as he struggled to maintain his composure, silencing the words that so helplessly wanted to be said. Noone would see him here, one part of his brain thought. But the other, more logical part reminded him how pathetic he'd look if he was seen. He'd see the pity on their faces. Their unwanted apologies without an ounce of sympathy in it. Their curiosity and need for some sort of entertainment or gossip.
Quietly, he sniffled, pressing his lips into a very thin line. Just a little while longer, he thought as he rose up from the bench and decided to walk back to the hearth of town, where his construction company resided. He dusted his boots atop the weeds and swore to never come there again. He wasn't looking for a place to be weak and that place was exactly what it was.
Thanks for reading;)
