Perhaps I've read so much books that I couldn't imagine emotional pain being anything other than the pain that resides in the heart and in the soul,from the love of two beings. Perhaps I've had so many illusions and day dreams that I couldn't think of any other thing causing pain emotionally than the death of a love one; the loss of a love one.
Perhaps I thought of the world to be nothing besides the fact that it was cruel but truly I had come to realize it was brutal.
Emotional pain isn't something to be healed from. It isn't something one can heal from. It just grows dull overtime I guess. It's the 12th day of the 12th month and my one true love is few feets away from me and I can do nothing but stare at him, because he doesn't see me that way. It was only one sided but I knew that and decided to stay anyway. I'd be anything to him to feel his touch on my skin,his lips against mine, his fingers in my hair and his voice. I would give anything to hear him speak,even the time it's at its softest when he was asleep or few minutes to falling asleep. I thought of him as my true love. It was something out of a fairytale,love at first sight they said. On a random first day of highschool,I was in my school uniform and in my new classroom and then he walked in. Right there,I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I was only 9 and some would think of me a fool or worse but I knew it deep within me that I was in love. I was captivated, extremely captivated. It wasn't his deep and rich olive skin ,with sharp and godlike jawlines nor was it his beautiful eyes. It was just him. An unexplainable feeling it was, seeing him for the first time. Feeling my heart skip at the slightest glance at him. I had fallen and fallen hard for him and it happened within minutes.
He wouldn't look at me the way he did anymore. It wasn't love but it was close to it. He valued me and wished to keep me and I had gladly accepted that. Anything to be close to him. And now,having him tell me he was getting married to another in a month's time... I felt nothing but my heart being shred to pieces like a sheet of paper.
My beautiful love, I have missed you and would continue to miss you. Maybe,we were never meant to be together. Fate would've done something if we were true. I knew you weren't mine but I was selfish and wanted you to myself. And right now, I stay seated on the edge of my bed, reminiscing about the best times I had with you. I close my eyes and I see your eyes crinkle when you laugh. I close my eyes and I see one of your best upside down smiles. I close my eyes and I see you. All these and it's been fifteen years. Fifteen years since you've been married to her. Fifteen years since we went our separate paths. Fifteen years since I watched you walk away from me. It should've gone. The pain,the grief of a lost one,all of it. But it stay hidden somewhere within my heart, alive and dull at the same time.
Thankyou for reading.
