A friend said to me one time, "I had no idea this is how you felt when you were going through your own relationship issues." That had to be the most hilarious thing I heard that day, but I concealed my amusement, as he was having a hard time dealing with his. He realised the advice he gave me during mine wasn't so easy a pill to swallow. On second thought, there was a lesson there.
Here's the thing about falling in love. You can become stupid—literally. Not everyone does, though. But there are a good number of relationships out there where someone's being unwise about who they're with or what the hell they're doing in a relationship that'll take them six-foot under someday. The craziest thing about it is that giving such a person advice can be like pouring water in a basket.
You find this person who seems to check a lot of boxes—if not all in your imaginary world—and then you get along with them. Time passes, and then your feelings have blossomed like the morning rose. All of a sudden, they're your all in all, and then somehow, there's no world you can think of without them in it.
Time goes by, and then the thorns in the rose begin to surface. You begin to see the red flags. You begin to feel more pain than joy overtime. However so insidious, the relationship doesn't serve you. What happens next? You get yourself some paint and redesign the red flags. Once you're at this point, you're in too deep and have lost all courage to pull yourself out of the ruckus you allowed yourself. There's always an exit door, however, but before that, how could you have even gotten there? I'll tell you.
The moment you begin to put your sanity, peace, integrity, brain, and wellbeing aside, and every time you do that, you're stripping yourself of your self-love and drowing yourself in toxicity. Who's fault is it? Your toxic partner. But who's responsible for how you feel and the heartbreak you feel? You. And yes, you break your own heart in ways that you may not even realise. The real question, however, is, Why are you still there?
You don't love yourself. Perhaps you used to, but the reality is that you haven't left such a relationship yet because you don't have the courage to. The fear of being alone, of never finding someone who'd want to be with you, the pain of losing all that you had in the relationship and what once was—all of that's crippling you, and now you can't walk away.
What does it mean to love oneself? In essence, it is to prioritize your own well-being, respect your boundaries, and acknowledge your worth. It is seeing and recognizing when something or someone is detrimental to you and pulling the plug as fast as lightning. It is having the courage to make the tough decisions to maintain your emotional wellbeing. Might sound selfish, but it really is survival.
You may have been told exactly what it is you're blind to see—perhaps by a friend—yet you're unyielding. The advice they give you comes out the other ear. It's a hard pill to swallow, but you really should take it if you'd like to show some love to yourself. Low-key, I'm talking from experience, but that's my piece anyway...
