What do you think you're doing?

Now, I don't want anyone to think I'm complaining. I really appreciate all the love I've been getting here. I mean, I've always known I was funny, but to hear it from all you... I'm speechless. Just speechless.

I feel that I should warn you all though, there's likely a good reason that my family (who aren't all unreasonable people) were frequently heard to say 'Don't encourage him!'. This abnormal psychology makes for a fun vacation, but I understand that over time it can be a bit... much.
Don't take my word for it. I have a handful of dead long-term relationships I could present as evidence. If I keep this up long enough, I suppose I'll eventually get in to re-hashing some of that old history, but I'm hoping to wait until you're all thoroughly fed up with me. When I get really desperate for laughs, I'll start talking about my sex life.

Sorry, my mind wanders, which is one of the reasons I probably shouldn't be encouraged. I understand that lots of people have wandering minds, but mine seems to have a nose for strange places and trouble. I'm only ever about 2 loyal followers away from starting a cult, or a militia, or a gang of orphan thieves, or a group of elite assassins disguised as first responders and trained in synchronized swimming routines...

see what I mean?

So, like I said, I love you guys... it's really nice having my own enabler; usually that's my job. Just ask any of my ex's therapists. But because I love you, I think you should know what you're getting into. Do you really want a megalomaniacal cult leader with a sense of humor on your hands? Becaue that could happen here. I'm just sayin'.

Of course, if that's what you want, I'm happy to oblige. I'll even wear a toga. I've already got the head full of hair. Or are you more the bald-headed savior type? I'm flexible, as long as I get minions. I don't mean those weird one-eyed cartoon things, either. Not just because of the potential copyright infringement, but because a lot of the work I need done requires a certain level of depth perception. That cartoon really ruined a good word. What's another PC word for slaves? Can I still say PC, or is that not woke? Meh, anyway... a word for slaves...

How about followers?

I think I like that one. It has a certain extra appeal for the social media generation. Does a revolution sound intriguing? Want to learn more? Just follow me!

Want to know more about crypto? Just follow me!

Is this some kind of superliminal messaging? To learn the answer, just follow me!

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I really must thank @amirtheawesome1 and the Comedy Open Mic community for showering me with awards, and maintaining a place that feels like a good home for this character.

I must also thank @dandays, the most interesting guy I know, and @cmplxty, the only person I follow with 'crypto enthusiast' in their profile. The support you guys gave to my more boring account really helped encourage this spin-off. If you're not going to follow me, then follow these guys!

I want to thank @brandt, in all his many forms, for giving the rest of us a chance in this contest by joining the judging panel and not just spamming entries. That... conversation?... that you had with yourself was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I have the feeling that more than the others, you get what I'm talking about in this post.

I want to thank @corvidae, for the post that won round 2. It really WAS the funniest thing I've ever seen. Masterful. I don't even mind if the other crows helped you write it.

Finally, I want to thank @bulldog-joy, because I don't want her to feel left out while I'm spam-tagging. Nobody can make me laugh about stepping in shit quite like you can!

Post finally, I'd like to thank all the people who entered but just weren't as well connected funny as I was. You'll get 'em next week, kid! Want tips on how?

Just follow me!