Good evening everyone, and welcome to the comedy club! Watch what you say, you don't want to clubbed in the club, like Chris Rock. Mr. Rock got his head rocked, because he mis-stirred the wrong pot. Was he smoking pot, when he thought he ought to tell that joke? Did he think it through, before he threw that jibe through the room? Boo hoo, who cares, boo? Let's talk about you...
Do you enjoy the weekend? Does the weekend leave you weakened? I work through the weekend, just to throw some seasoning on my work season. Believe me (I'd like any bee to leave me be), a 30 day week will leave you weak. It does get the income coming in, though.
Oh, my brayin' brain. Since the MeToo movement, we can't even play poker. I didn't like Lady Gaga at first... Poker Face made me want to poke her face, pah pah poke her face. Just a matter of time until we can't talk about soccer without someone thinking we're going to 'sock' her. If you didn't get that, 'sock' is a colloquial term for a punch, not punch, and not a hole punch, but a whole punch, like Mr. Rock got.
Did you know I can can, but I can't can a cant? It would be nice if I could, then I would have a song in a jar. We can in jars here at home, a fact about canning that I find rather jarring. I'd make a stand about this absurd wording... well, I have made a stand, which I use to hold my cans... er... jars.
Of course, we seldom do any canning 'til we till, and sow (not sew, you old so-and-so!), and reap. We don't have to rob the till, if we wait 'till we reap from the land we till.
We only grow things we need. We don't grow wheat, but I do bake bread, so sometimes I need to knead. I never need to get kneed, especially in the groin.
Ticks give me tics, that's why I bought chicks.
Some of you may be wondering, 'What the hell was all that?' Well, that's one way I entertain myself in my head while I'm doing mindless tasks, like rebuilding motors.
I know, it's not exactly laugh-out-loud funny, but it entertains me, so I hoped it might entertain all (or at least some) of you.
I'm still not feeling any inspiration for a clever photo with poignant closing remarks, but you guys really deserve a photo. How about some nice flowers? Flowers seem appropriate, after some time away.