It's a scary world out there, dear readers. It's an even scarier galaxy, and the universe is vast and terrible beyond our comprehension. People don't like to think about the abstract, biblical destruction scenarios that await our frail little planet in the vast everything that exists beyond our atmosphere, but at times like this, when we're all focused on all the horrible ways people treat each other, I think it's important to remember that the universe sees us all as less than insignificant.
That's not much of a silver lining, to most people, but my inner Buddhist finds comfort in understanding that we are all already the nothingness we should seek to achieve. I'm good at seeing the bright side of situations, even when it's wildly inappropriate. I have a good example or two of wildly inappropriate upsides, but let's see if I can spread a little motherfucking joy before scaring anyone else away. If you sweet folks want to come along for the joyride, well, just keep reading.
A lot of people are currently upset about overwhelming political polarization we're seeing among people. Well, my friends, I'm here to tell you that all the division and disagreement is actually a good thing. You heard me right, fellow humans, I said that political polarization is a GOOD thing, and I'll tell you why. I've been on this beautiful planet for nearly fifty years, and I've been pretty observant for forty of them. In that time, one of the things that has really horrified me the was the sheer enormity of ignorant apathy among my fellow earth dwellers. Most people just complained about whatever they saw on the news, but nobody had an opinion, and certainly not an informed opinion. Now, I'm not saying that people today are any more informed, but at least they're getting interested, and that's a start. People are still just complaining about what is on the news, but at least now they're doing it enthusiastically. That's why we have this polarization... people are becoming interested in the world around them, but still haven't figured out how to learn about it for themselves, so now they're LOUDLY complaining about what they see on the news. It's a baby step, but it's a step!
COVID has been another real bummer for people, but I like to look at all the gifts it has left us. All the government imposed 'alone time' really set a lot of people on a much needed course of introspection. This could be why they're suddenly more interested in the world around them; most will have realized for the first time that they themselves are not as interesting as they thought they were. Not only have quarantines spurred introspection, but it forced families together in ways that many of us old enough to remember had hoped we'd left behind in the eighties. I know some of you millennials never REALLY learned self control until you were forced to spend every day, for an entire week, trapped in a home with your immediate family. A whole generation of children discovered board (sometimes called 'bored') games for the very first time. Many parents became reunited with their old friend alcohol as a result of these lock-ins. Sure, many of us (myself included) lost people close to us, but just think of all the good paying jobs that opened up, or the relief to over burdened retirement funds!
I haven't forgotten about the favorite existential dread of our time... CLIMATE CHANGE! No need to clutch at those pearls as your testicles wither, even this black super-storm cloud has a silver lining! Think of all the new opportunities for water sports! Think of the wealth redistribution, as coastal elites become refugees and rural farmers become wealthy coastal elites! Imagine what wonderful new foods and flowers might emerge as once barren arctic wastelands suddenly spring back to life! There could be a resurgence in river travel, something I think the world has been poorer without.
EVERY catastrophe brings with it new opportunity! Can't afford gas right now, well there's never been a better time to get outside and experience record breaking weather! Not to mention, let's be honest with ourselves, most of us could benefit from a bit more walking and biking. Just don't forget to bring sunscreen, rain gear, a coat, a fan, and it probably wouldn't hurt to have a face mask. Also, don't forget your documents proving you're vaccinated, inoculated, indoctrinated, paid-up-to-date, registered, insured, certified, and licensed. I know, that seems like a lot, but you wouldn't want just anybody to be able to run around claiming they were you, without any proof, would you?
All you savvy crypto millionaires already know that an economic crash is a good time to invest, so no need to go into that any deeper here. Long live volatility, am I right? Did you lose everything in the market crash, and have nothing left to invest? There's never a better time to learn how to turn hobbies into side gigs. Or, you could learn new skills that help you become more economically independent, like how to forage for wild foods. You'd be surprised by how many edible weeds grow around you, even in urban areas.
All joking aside, I know it's hard for many of us out there right now. It's been hard for a while, and it looks like it's just going to get harder for a while longer. I want you all to remember that these dips are just a part of the cycle of history, and not to lose hope. Hope might not be much, but it can be enough to lift our spirits, and as it becomes harder and harder to get drugs that won't kill us and alcohol that wasn't made in Leroy's bath tub, those little free shots of hopamine are going to become more and more important. Hope might not be as powerful as fentanyl, but it's free and legal, and WAY less dangerous. Hope is more of an 'up' kinda buzz, more like whippets, or cocaine. It can still be addictive, but the side effects aren't that bad. Withdrawal from hope can be rough, if you depend on it for too long, but it's no worse that what we're going through right now.
And c'mon guys and gals, we can get through this, can't we? It's not really that bad, is it? We've gotten through worse, haven't we?
I sure fuckin' hope so, but I'm glad I've got gardens, and marijuana. Ya'll let me know if I can help with more than just a laugh.
I want to spread around more thanks and apologies. Thanks to everyone who contributes here in Comedy Open Mic, even (and sometimes especially) those of you who REALLY need to work on your editing. At a time when even music has been feeling a little like work (because I've been working on it), this COMmunity has been my only pure entertainment outlet. Reading and writing here is what keeps Jack from becoming a dull boy. (If you didn't get the reference to The Shining, read (and then watch) The Shining.) That's why I want to sincerely apologize, for not engaging here more. If I was free to sit in front of this screen while the roof of this house caved in around me, this is where I would spend all my time right now. Well, ALMOST all my time... I'd still want a few minutes once in a while to watch porn.
Did you hang in this long, and think I forgot about adding a WILDLY inappropriate upside at the end? I may not post here as often as I like, but I'll try not to be so obviously disappointing when I do. What I was thinking, (and I recognize that this is wildly inappropriate) was that they're getting a lot of free demolition work in Ukraine right now... it'll be a good chance to freshen up some of those old buildings. Was that too soon? Well, then I was also thinking that those mass grave sites from after the Haiti earthquake must be amazingly fertile by now...
Oh, the picture? How kind of you to notice! That's a black pussy willow. Pussy willow are normally silver, but I like this one because it is different. Soon even these dark clouds will develop a colorful outer lining that changes from bright yellow to crimson red.
