Oh no, not that again
"Could you get half a loaf of bread out off the freezer Coop?" The day after the night before, breakfast time. It almost feels like I've known Kirsten for ages. As if we had been in a relationship together for a long time. Everything just seems a bit out off the ordinary though. There also were some painful memories that I thought I had forgotten. And at the same time this was nice, it felt good, familiar. Yet something was also weird about it. All kinds of thoughts running through my head as I walked into the scullery of Kirsten's little mansion. A large freezer on the floor, found it. And just as I open the lid I hear Kirsten from the kitchen say: "There are two freezers, the bread is in the small one, on the right." The lid of the large freezer is open and I feel as if I just got nailed to the floor. If this is a nightmare then it is time for me to wake up.
A warm soft hand is on my shoulder as I slowly close the lid. "Remember what you said to me Coop, back then?", Kirsten her voice now sounds even more familiair than before. And in some strange way I know what she means, as if I've been here before. "You mean how you know that you love someone unconditionally if you can let them go in the name of love...?" And while I recite a memory of a long time ago I start to feel nauseous and dizzy. But that also is caused by reality kicking in, after the shock of what I saw in the large freezer. "This is impossible Kirsten, you can't be." While I try to turn around to face her I can feel how her hand on my shoulder tries to prevent me from doing so. "Je t'le dis quand même...", she whispers and now I got a headache also. No way that I am going to finish that sentence by still saying it. Damned, I want to get out off here, now, never to return again, destination anywhere.
Roughly I shake my shoulder to get her hand off as I turn around to get into the kitchen. In the meantime my thoughts run lik crazy, about what to do next. Get my stuff together and get the hell out off here, that's the only thing I can think of at that moment. "Coop, wait, I can explain, please, listen to me, I should have told you upfront, I'm sorry!" While I grab my things and put them in my backpack Kirsten is saunting nervously back and forth through her bedroom. "Are you even Kirsten, because from what I just witnessed I start to really doubt it." While I put my backpack on the bed I look at her, somehow I feel very sad now. The morning sunlight lights up her face beautifully, she could be an angel, or at least what I think what an angel would look like. Tears are silently flowing over the curves of her lovely face. Damned, I cannot stand that, because it weakens me and then I always offer to listen. That is where I got lost in situations many times before. "We need to talk Coop, let's go for a walk, or a bike ride, but you need to leave your spyware at home..."
That was what my good friend Natoshi Sakamoto always used to say to me. After he made another Quantum jump he had become Sukoshi Genkin. Even a USB-stick I was not allowed to have on me when he would explain to me the battle between 'the Circle' and 'the Square'. And it had been a long time since I met him in his Quantum incarnation as Sukoshi Genkin. That was in Dresden, Germany, it was odd seeing Natoshi as a woman first. She looked like she could be his sister. Same weird humor, same serious shit too. And I had almost forgotten about it, if not for what just happened at Kirsten her place. Natoshi had made some strange predictions, or maybe more like foretelling. That he asked me to publish, in a story like fashion on a blockchain platform. Quite some long talks we had where he tried to explain to me the Quantum concept, always letting me know up front to leave my spyware at home. He was the true inventor of Bitcoin, but it was created for a special reason, part of the battle against 'the Square', or 'Evil Squared' as he often referred to it. And for some other strange reason I was to be in on it. Sure, why not, nobody actually asked me if I even wanted to. But once you're in, you can never get out, like in that song about a certain Hotel.
"Have you noticed anything different about yourself during the last year Coop?", Kirsten asks me after we have been cycling together in silence for almost half an hour. "Well, I have been experiencing extreme pain attacks. They made me even go see my doctor, can you imagine me going to see a doctor?" And I realized that I did talk to her as if we did know each other since the dawn of time. "Like Colic pain attacks?", she asked as if she all of a sudden was a doctor herself. "You where there Kirsten? As that is what my doctor said they where." We took a turn to Wessinghuizen, passing the lovely natural scenery of Wedde, heading for who knows where. Somehow this made me calm down, cycling through the moraine landscape of the Westerwolde region. "She wanted me to go to the hospital for some echo stuff, but I cancelled it, with that crazy thing still going about anol." Kirsten laughed and I could feel her looking at me while she whispered: "Some things about you never really change, now do they Coop?" This was absurd, as I really wanted to have at least one thing answered.
"Now I guess you want to know about the freezer.", Kirsten said as if she was able to read my mind. There was only one woman that ever was able to do that, but that was in another life. "You already know about this Coop, as Natoshi had explained it to you." We had arrived at the entrance to the 'Gieselbaarg', where Kirsten had us going for some reason. Not exactly a location with a funny history. When we arrived at the remembrance stone Kirsten got off her bike and suggested we would take a walk. "During the 16th century some members of 'the Circle' were tortured here and after that burned alive. They never said anything, took the secret with them to their grave." While Kirsten told me this I looked at the names on the remembrance stone. The evil bastard who did these horrible deeds even got rewarded for doing so. While I looked to my side I could see how tears were flowing down Kirsten her face again and I gently put my arms around her. We stood there hugging each other silently for a while and then started to stroll through the serene moraine landscape area. The last days of summer had arrived there too, as some leafs were turning red already and some mushrooms had popped up from the soil.
"You have a strange anomaly in your genome Coop, it is causing rejuvenation. You must have noticed it by now and not only because of the horrible pains involved." As Kirsten talks to me I notice how I'm actually getting quite out off breath as we climb one of the small hills. "Well, according to my current condition I would not say I can confirm this." And as I tell her that I grab her hand so she can pull me to the top. "It currently could be like 10 years taken off, at the most, so you would still be way too old to become a professional speed cyclist." Her confronting humor reminds me of somebody, like many other things, even the way she moves. "But I was able to keep up with you in bed last night, right?" Damn, now why did I have to bring that subject up, that constant need for reassurance, I wish that would go away in this whole proces. Kirsten says nothing puts her arms around my neck and just kisses me. Ah, I think I actually got this part, it is like: "Shut up, you silly..." And as we wander through the magnificent landscape my thoughts are completely in ADHD modus. Every time I thought Natoshi, and after that Sukoshi, had managed to blow my mind for the last time with another crazy Quantum stuff thing, there would be yet another one. And now this...
"Having this anomaly makes you an interesting subject for 'the Square', as they basically want find the secret to live for ever." Well, I guess when she puts it like that, it makes sense, kind of. "So what you say is that I have the elixer of life build in?" Then there is a silence, Kirsten stopped walking and just stared in the distance for a while. "Come on, tell me Kirsten, there is a downside to this all, right, and it is not even the pain. There is a catch, a big one, just tell me, I have handled a lot already." Kirsten moved on, still silent, not a word for minutes. "Most people with this condition do not even make it past the first year of the rejuvenation proces sets in Coop. The pain attacks that you have experienced is your body regenerating, it will reset itself slowly, but steady. So far actually nobody survived it at all." Lately I have been wondering why I felt the strong urge to get out and about. Go on these almost absurd long bicycle rides, as if it is something I just had to do, as if one day I might not be able to anymore. Guess somehow I knew, or it were these pains that were there constantly. Sometimes they made me feel like throwing up, unable to focus my mind, could not sit, stand still or lay down, just moving about, going up and down the stairs. It was exhausting. And it seemed I was just in for about 8 months now... Shit, it seemed like I had been kind of doing my bucket list, without realizing it.
"It was Sukoshi and yet not her in the freezer, you know the procedure, you have seen it with Natoshi." Yes, I remember that and how my good old friend had tried his best to explain it to me. Some serious Quantum shit, him having an exact genetic clone, yet 'it' had never been alive. Just ceremonial needs, while he would go for another Quantum trip, that had him return as a she, Sukoshi Genkin. Thinking about that made my headache worse, or was it also part of the condition? "A member of 'the Square' got on to Sukoshi, so she had to go for another jump Coop and I have to keep the clone ready." Well, sure, I am not surprised anymore, even do not want to make the puzzle fit. "And how about you then Kirsten, where do you fit into this all, because you do seem quite familiair to me and how did you know about the French song by Patrick Bruel? There was only ever one woman alive who knew. And I had to say farewell to her a long time ago, while she had no breath left to answer me back anymore." As I say this my eyes get all watery and I stop again to take another look at Kirsten. The way she walks, her hair dancing in the sun like strings of gold, the sound of her voice, how she laughs, her rude jokes and that fury passion she has, no way...
"The first time we met, after I had just told you my name, you sang a song to me from the movie 'Grease'..." With the sun behind her there was a glow surrounding her body, guess I always have known there was something special about her. "Sandy...?", I whispered softly in disbelief, while I started to shake all over and felt light in my head. As if I was about to pass out. Sandy and I had been together for a long time, starting from a young age and it ended as sudden as it all had begun. We had this one long last talk, breaking up like in the Patrick Bruel song "Je t'le dis quant même". In the end still saying: "Je t'aime", or in English: "I love you." Then about a year after that I got the news that she had passed away, got a card, went to the funeral service. It had broken me down completely, after that I had started to live like a loner for a long time. Trying my best to deal with it. Had family and friends wanting to hook me up again after a while, but I was not interested, at all. To me, that would never have been possible, nor did I want it. After a while I got involved in Blockchain technology and Cryptocurrencies, it managed to take my mind off of her and the past, for most of the time, until now.
"Talk to me Coop, you are looking awfully pale, I'm so sorry, but I could not tell you, nor prepare you in any way. Natoshi would explain. Please say something..." 'Kirsten' came towards me while she said that while even more tears were rolling down her face. "NO, STAY AWAY FROM ME SANDY! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW MY LIFE BECAME A LIVING HELL AFTER YOU PASSED AWAY! WELL, WHEN I THOUGHT YOU HAD DIED!" There was so much anger and frustration bursting out off me at once. The headache was pulsating and I felt like I could throw up. "Love of my life, I'm so sorry that I had to put you through all of this, please forgive me, there was no other solution at that time, believe me." All of a sudden I realized that I had seen Natoshi at Sandy her funeral service, what the fuck was going on here? "That night, after you had returned from Amersfoort, I had been following you. You were drunk as a skunk and as you went back home I could not stop myself and stepped out off line by contacting you." Shit, so I had not gone crazy after all, it was actually her putting her hand on my shoulder, preventing me from turning around. And I thought it finally happened, I had gone mad. "So, why now Sandy, or Kirsten, or whom ever you may be. Why now put me through all this shit, after all those years. Just when I thought my life was back to normal, or as far as I can state such a thing."
"Let's go and sit over there, you do really look way too pale. And you need to get used calling me Kirsten, okay?" She was right, I did feel awful, maybe taking a break, sitting down for a while, would help. We were close to the watchtower, not that far from Onstwedde, had no idea we already had been walking for that long. "Coop, Coop, stay with me, you cannot go to the Hospital okay? Fight it, come on!" With her support we both made it to the bench near the watchtower. "Sit down here, you need to drink something." She is awesome, in het little backpack she had some bottles already, I do tend to forget that kind of thing. Damn I felt rotten, almost no muscle strength, not able to sit up straight, not able to take the bottle and drink. Kirsten sat sideways next to me, again the sunlight behind her, casting rays through the trees. Weird thing it looked like her face was lit from the front, now that was odd, made her look angel like even more. Noticed that the wind had totally dropped, could not even hear birds anymore. "She gave me water, she gave me water...", I tried to joke as Kirsten fed me the drink. Quite pleasant taste, some fruit inside. Her face did not show a smile though, more a deep worry, or so it seemed to me. It felt good having her near me like this. Although under different circumstances, that would have been great. Was I the next to go?
It took about twenty minutes for me to get back on my feet again. And I asked her if there was a certain way the people with the rejuvenation gene thing died. "Not like what I just saw happen to you. Tell me, how is your eating pattern, as I remember you tended to fuck that up, a lot. Or simply not eat at all." Yep, it was Sandy, no doubt what so ever anymore, nobody knew me as well as she did. "Lost for words Coop? Come on tell me, honestly, as I was worried sick just now." And as I really felt better I thought trying to make a joke would lighten the mood again. "Well, I've sure eaten something, you remember right, as you were there with me, last night." Nope, wrong move, it actually had her turn her back on me and walk away in a quick pace, back to from where we had come. "Kirsten, wait, I'm sorry! That was insensitive and stupid of me!", this was one of the issues that had driven Sandy and me apart. There were times when eating food was just a burden to me, but I sometimes took it way too far. She would be worried, I would get annoyed, because my sugar levels had dropped, of course, like she warned me over and over. Haven't I learned anything? Had to make up quite some speed to catch up with her again. Out off breath, I finally made it beside her.
"You stupid arse, I warned you so many times about this. And then you try and act all funny while I am clearly worried sick." Her eyes were like on fire, had to be patient, as she would come around at some point, she always did. "Coop, there is a risk of you dying caused by the rejuvenation proces, it is a heavy burden on your body energy. It will make you feel exhausted, like dealing with a serious disease. So you will have to take a lot of rest and adapt to a more healthy lifestyle..." That sounded a lot like not drinking beer anymore, or maybe still now and then? "Most cells in a human body can do the mitosis trick about 50 times in a lifetime. The older we get, the more and faster we degenerate, more cells die than new ones get born, chromosomes get shorter, with the loss of DNA information that cannot be repaired completely, there is a higher risk of developing diseases, some of which will actually finally end our lifespan. In the rejuvenation case that process seems to reverse at some moment in time." Now that sounded interesting to me, but I could not help to make a silly remark, again: "Now about the disease thing, that is misinformation, I have to censor you now." And I tried to kiss her, because I did find her so damn sexy, brains and beauty, that had me already fallen for her when she was still Sandy. "No kissing, forget it, listen to me, this is important, though I might have thrown in some knowledge that was unknown to you, but cut the crap okay?"
Again we walk in silence together, hand in hand, as we close in on the place where we parked our bicycles. "In the 16th century I was here during one of my Quantum jumps, sometimes I even forget what age I would have really been by now. Those of 'the Square' are human monsters Coop. They have been everywhere through the ages, doing horrible things to human beings, which they perceive as their cattle. Yet, one thing they surely cannot do, make Quantum jumps. They cannot beat time and therefore death gets all of them in the end, no matter how wealthy they are. And you wont be safe from them if they get to know you're in a rejuvenation state already." We got back on our bikes and all of the time I had not said a single word anymore. Just when I thought things were back to normal, things had turned for what seemed the worse. Well, it could well be that I would not be around for that long anymore anyway. So, maybe I still could do some crazy stuff on my bucket-list that apparently already was lingering somewhere in the back of my head. This whole weird Quantum thing got even more nuts today and I'm not really sure if I like it that much. Although being with Kirsten now sure made it far less worse I guess. Next up would be the funeral of Sukoshi Genkin, the body clone that had never been alive. Cannot imagine this could get any more crazy than it already was, but I sure wasn't counting on it...
If this is a nightmare then it is time for me to wake up...
Drawing by me.
