I applied for a job to be Brad Pitt once. I got all the way up to the final interview. Brad Pitt walks in. He goes, "Who the fuck is this guy?" The lady interviewing me is all like, "Brad! You're back! We thought you were dead!" Everyone ignored me after that. They just started talking about their cats and stuff, catching up. Eventually I just left because it felt awkward being in there with them. That sucked too, because I didn't have any money and had to walk all the way back to Canada. Fucking Brad Pitt stole my one and only chance to be Brad Pitt. I'm still kind of bitter about it and that's why I'm kind of an asshole. And this all started because of one of these goddamn guru types you speak of.