Now that you have had some time to think about, and talk to your sponsor about, how you are going to do this step, it is time to get started. There are some basic guidelines that are common to all recovery groups when doing step 4 but, as always, work closely with your sponsor and try following his recommendations. Your sponsor will have worked through this step already and they may have some good ideas for working through it, just as you will learn things when doing your own, and will be able to pass them on to those you sponsor.
K.I.S.S.
Keep It Simple Stupid! This is a common expression in recovery, and it isn't so much a put down as a reminder to just take things in small increments and not complicate things. Most people in recovery have a tendency to make things so much bigger than they need to be, to the point where even starting to do the work becomes crippling. When we make things too large to do, it makes it that much easier to put off doing. The only wrong Step 4 is the one that isn't done.
You Gotta Write it Down...
I know you know in your head what happened to you in the past and who you hold resentments against, but when you do your step five, it will be easy to forget something if you don't have it written down. Your sponsor may want you to take notes for use later in your Step 9, which is where you actually make the amends for the harm you have done to others. It will be convenient to be able to go back and look at your notes at that time. It is just better to write things down at this stage, and it may trigger you to think about something you had forgotten.
Do I Write my Life Story?
This is something that will be between you and your sponsor. Some sponsors like the life story approach and some do not. There is a column approach that is often used to do the inventory. This column style inventory focuses on four areas of a persons life, Resentments, Fears, Sexual Misconduct, and Harm to Others. The benefits of this style of inventory is that they are simple and easy to read. The drawback is that they only focus on the bad areas of ones life.
I personally favor the life story approach to doing an inventory. The main benefit of this style is that you can balance out the bad with the good. When I did my inventory, my sponsor had me write for 15 minute increments with the last 5 minutes being about something positive in my life, whether it was something about my personality, or something I had accomplished.
Have to Mention Prayer
I know, I know, here we go with that "God" stuff again, right? Well, it is a good idea to start your writing with some focus on how you would like to direct yourself. Whether you call this prayer or meditation is up to you, but start with a few minutes of quiet and thought as to what you are going to do each time you write. After all, this is where your healing really begins, where you start to be honest about who you are and how you have been handling your life up until now.
O.K. Meditation Done, Time to Start!
Where do you start? At the beginning of course! Go back to your first memories and write about what you remember. Was it good or bad? Do you hold a resentment about it, or have a good feeling from it? If you are doing the column style inventory, then go through each person you knew throughout your life, and each situation you were in and consider how you feel about it. Do you hold a resentment about it? Did it cause you to fear something as a result? Did you cause harm to someone? Were you sexually inappropriate? Remember, being honest is what this step is all about, so be truthful about everything, and most important, don't hide anything.
Your only as sick as your secrets
If you do not list everything in this stage of your step work there is a good chance you will have to revisit it later on, hopefully not because you relapsed, although that is a good possibility. A lot of people hide things that they think are too horrible to tell anyone. It is important that you realize you are not unique, we all have done horrible things and had to face them, and honestly, who are you hiding things from really? Isn't it possible you just don't want to face it yourself?
But What I Did Was REALLY BAD!!
O.K. I get it, you don't want to tell anyone some of the things you have done. We have a way to deal with that too. Some of us have went to a priest confessional because it is confidential and anonymous. Another way is to go up to a complete stranger and ask them if you can tell them a secret you need to get off your chest. One way or another you need to confess to "God" (Your concept of "God" remember?) yourself, and another Human Being the exact nature of your wrongs. This is Step 5, and we are getting a little ahead of ourselves, but it is very important that you are completely honest at this stage.
Healing Time!!
Now get started! This is where you actually get involved in your recovery with an action step. Up until now you have decided to do things and accepted things but haven't actually done things. Now you get to, so get to work! Be open and honest with yourself and remember that you are doing what need to be done to improve yourself. It will be hard and it will be painful at times, but sometimes pain is the best way to heal.
Stay Balanced
Remember, not everything you did was bad. When you are writing, even if you are doing the column style inventory, make a short list of your good qualities after writing your inventory. This way you will leave off thinking about the good in your life, and be able to focus on the positive. You are giving birth to a new person by doing this inventory and getting ready to let go of the old, remember that!
As Always...
If you know someone who needs help please seek it out, if you know someone who should read this please share it with them. If you have enjoyed this post and would like to read about a hard-core drug addict that has been redeemed by Jesus, please follow and support me. Also, if you would like to see a chat room opened on discord for addiction and recovery issues, please go to this post and leave a comment in support- Discord Chat Room Post- Thank you and God bless!!
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