There’s always some sort of poopy crap at some point, always. A disturbance within the ocean waves. If only I would behave, be a good girl, do as I am told, live up to expectations, focus on meeting other people’s needs, be what they want me to be, and for freak’s sake stop asking questions, just stop. I’m a bad, bad, bad girl and now I’m paying for it. I’m paying for being my authentic self, for being true to that. You know what? This is not a new experience. It’s the story of my life.
Throughout my life, I’ve been part of all manner of groups at one point or another. The same dynamics always play out in any group, only the details differ. I’ve had some really good times in groups. That said, it usually goes south fast when I express viewpoints and/or behaviour contrary to how the group thinks. Herd mentality is the antithesis to the individual.
The more one conforms to group think, the more one is accepted by the group, or society, since that is also a group. At the same time, one is sacrificing one’s individuality in order to gain that acceptance and be a successful group member. If one exerts one’s individuality, one pays the consequences for that choice. Get back in line, or else you’ll be punished. Conformity can be dangerous, as Milgram demonstrates.
”Milgram Obedience Experiment and short video are experiments Stanley Milgram conducted beginning in 1961. “If an authority figure ordered you to deliver a 400-volt electrical shock to another person, would you follow orders? Most people would answer with an adamant "no." However, the Milgram obedience experiment aimed to prove otherwise.”
Deeper I went into exploring this. It expanded out into the realization that this begins in childhood for all humans, this pressure to conform to group think and behaviour. It is the way of this world. We are set against each other from the outset. To be left out of the group is terrifying for many. To stand in one’s own position, operate autonomously and express one’s individuality is a threat to how this world operates. Do not dare to question anything or express a different viewpoint, just do as you are told, spoken or unspoken or be ostracized.
Nope. I watched both of them act in contradiction to their dearly held belief system in several ways, all influenced by group think. My observations were that neither had the self-awareness to consciously see that this is what they were doing. I said nothing to either of them about it. Both did the I Ran So Far Away thing when asked a question. Silence. Okay then. I moved on. I won’t chase anyone. “Run away” behaviour tells me where a person is at. Best to let go and leave them there, since it’s not my responsibility.
Throughout my life, I’ve learned that people have all kinds of motivations for wanting to connect. Sometimes those motivations are of a malicious or self-serving nature. The person isn’t interested in developing an authentic connection. They are focused primarily on what they want. Forget what it costs the other person or the damage their behaviour causes. Within a group dynamic, people who operate from such a place have the potential to cause a great deal of harm, especially if they are in a position that allows and supports it. Evidence of this is everywhere in the world, should one decide to actually see it.
An old friend said to me once, “Tread carefully in the jungle, be aware of how you step”. I’ll add to that, know yourself, be aware of your choices, and what motivates you to make them.
