What I wanted to be and what I am

Coming from a home with few people and few resources you live dreaming for a better future I did not want to continue living with little those thoughts haunted my head while I was studying my high school I told myself for me everything will change I will study and work to achieve it even though the future was uncertain with much sacrifice I graduated. I graduated I was about to miss my graduation thanks to my brother who gave me a pair of pants and then a friend of the house invited us to eat to celebrate I started working I was happy because I was able to buy a bed because I was sleeping on a sofa while alone in my room I saw myself with a good job without so many limitations.

I started studying at night and worked during the day I left my house at 5 in the morning and arrived at 12 noon all for a dream and of course I did not want to deprive myself I had a very bad first love relationship no one likes to admit they broke up because of shame maybe because they told me it was over it was not easy for me to overcome that break up but in spite of so many emotional problems depression loneliness sadness abandonment deprivation I kept dreaming I focused a lot on material things. three years later I graduated as a technician to get a job in my area of work it was very, very difficult no one gave me the opportunity that was disappointing but I needed to work to support myself and help a little at home so 2 years passed I got married I had my two beautiful children a relationship that did not work out I was wrong again there are men who also divorce their children and that was my case but I did not want them to have the shortcomings that I had.

_{My eldest son's project defense}

I finally got the job of my dreams, good pay, excellent co-workers and a good work environment but it was a 3 hour drive to get there, my bosses had no problem with the schedule as long as I fulfilled my obligations nothing more rewarding than doing what you like but nothing is perfect I had two small children to take care of my mom helped me for a while but she had her own dreams which was to leave missions I had to quit and look for another job I felt frustrated not being able to realize myself as a professional I had priority and they were my children I quickly got another job but with less pay and nothing to do with what I studied I ended up being an office assistant but it was my children or my dreams there was not much to choose from.

_{My coworkers and I in a sharing session}

I got a job in the public administration a military base of course I was civilian personnel with a not very nice treatment and a much lower salary the only advantage was that I could be aware of my children thank God they never lacked anything I always invented some activity to generate income spent 14 years I never retired for fear my salary was little but safe thank God my oldest son graduated and my youngest daughter is studying at the university but I feel a great frustration because I did not follow my dreams In five days I will be 53 years old I feel tired and I have a salary of $45 a month not even enough to eat to get old with nothing I have to start over and I really do not know where to start after 15 years of service I do not have half a dollar in social benefits so I always advise my children and all those who can read me fight for your dreams do not settle do not make excuses I have to reinvest something to survive and at this point in my life where the body and health is not the same is not easy.

_{Me on a normal day at work}

I wanted to be and have many things in my life today I feel that I have not achieved it rather I am going through an economic crisis that is only enough to half eat many will say it's your fault but I do not want to justify everyone to think what they want to think no one has my shoes to know thanks for reading my blog.