I faked a smile for the millionth time today. Not that I was counting.
The kids talk about hopping the sidewalk in front of a bus and ending it all,
like it's a funny thing.
Like they know something about something.
All fake. Just for laughs. Wear it like a badge of honor.
"I'm dead inside", but they aren't.
"I want to die", but they don't.
They don't tell you about what real sadness is because the ones that are really sad smile like me.
Hard to define it anyway.
Harder to speak to.
Real sadness is just... nothing.
Have a drink? Nothing.
Do a line? Nothing.
I'd rather be anywhere but here,
but here I am,
and it's a quiet little thing.
Novocaine in my veins and I just
I just.
I just can't want anything enough to want to die.
Not like I have many choices anyway, figure I'll just stay awhile and here I am.
Have to keep going,
so here I am.
Don't know where I'm going,
but here I am.
Just don't think about it.
Smile again.
