It's a good morning. I did what I said I would do and bought writing supplies. I'm back to my routine. Not writing first thing in the morning did not help my depression. Now I know, this is part of my therapy. This is part of what sets up a good day.
my morning pages - image credit: 
Just as I had thought, it just isn't the same done digitally. Even digital handwriting isn't the same. There are too many steps between the intention and the doing. When I write in my journal, all I need to do is pick up the pen and paper. iPads and laptops require waking and navigating through several interfaces. I also can't resist the urge to correct my mistakes when I type. It isn't as much a stream of consciousness.
I'm already feeling better. One thing that has helped is money. For the first time in a while, I don't have a negative bank account balance. I don't place moral value on having money or not having it. Money buys you options. I've heard that money is the closest thing on earth to the power of God. The example given was if you want to move a mountain it either takes an act of God or a whole lot of money. I agree with that idea.
image credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/rKPiuXLq29A
But I love having money. I like to think of money as having a personality. She's also female :). Money wants to be with those who appreciate and respect her. It's not a bad thing to love money and have her love you back. If you're thinking a bible verse right now that includes the words, "the root of evil" don't quote it to me here. I've heard that one before.
It's important to acknowledge progress. Things are much better today. I can plan to feel good most of the time but maybe not all of the time. I was surprised by the severity of my recent depressive state. It was sudden and intense. I honestly feel much better now. I am allowing myself to be aware of my thoughts and feelings. I'm taking them as they are but I'm not identifying with them. They are states I can move in and out of. Depression is not who I am but it is something I experience.
I think I had a steak of great days and started to feel like it wouldn't end. I also think not doing my morning routine contributed to the break in that streak.