I started 2016 by working on a music project of mine, an album called “Annie”. I formed a band with which I went on tour in Germany and Switzerland during the spring and I officially released the album in October.
Early in June, one thing happened. One thought. After 10 years of making half a living as a musician I realized I didn’t enjoy it anymore. I was deeply unhappy with the lifestyle. I realized it was time for me to quit. So I bought a little black book and started brainstorming, writing everyday about what else I could do. A new project, a new medium, what would be my next thing? I pushed many new ideas like starting a blog, starting making YouTube videos but somehow nothing seemed to really do it.
In the meantime my girlfriend Nicole and I left Berlin for a workation of 2 months on the mediterranean sea. We started in Rome, visited Naples, spent a month in Sicily and went traveling through Croatia and Montenegro. The locations were amazing, but my obsession was still peaking. What would I be doing with my time? And it went deeper, who was I now that a big chunk of my life was left aside, to drift away. I had a huge identity crisis. I started questioning, everything. What was my mission? What was my purpose? At the time I was waking up at 5am every day to write in my little black book while Nicole was still well asleep. Quietly sipping my coffee while sitting on the porch of our apartment in Naples, or on the dock near the house, waiting for the sun to rise on the Bay of Kotor in Montenegro.
One thing I came to realize was this: I was 2 persons at the very same time. I was this guy traveling with his girlfriend in beautiful territories, living an adventure, and I was the man who was scared to be missing out on his own life. A strange paradox.
At the end of the trip we flew back to Venice for a few days. I had not found any valid answer to all my questions, neither I knew what to do next. But I had accepted my state of mind which could only lead to a deep transformation. That, that’s what I believed in. At least I knew there was a transformation happening and I was just getting excited to see the outcome.
