It also made me pay a price I did not want: the feeling of being an alien who can't connect with the outside world.

 
Did you know that that sense of immense isolation is actually as symptom of trauma?

But what protects you from pain also isolates you from love and connection.

Yep. Same same here. I cut myself off from the world a few times... I relate to almost every line in your share. And I "see" you, fellow traveler❣️
 

Who needs love anyway, we all die alone. As nihilistic as it sounds, it was my go to safety
 

Ahem... *guilty as charged 😆

The things is... existentialism and nihilism really is spot on in my opinion. It's kind of coming to acceptance of this that actually leads, over time, to real liberation. So... there's that.

I adore you already! 💥