I’d say I’m still getting to know myself as I grow- more like the self discovery phase which never seems to end and this year, the journey has never been better. One thing about me is the fact that I’m a huge control freak and a person of habit. I plan everything to the tiniest detail and follow it like my life depended on it. Any little tweak and I’m in a mess. All this toned down when I realized I couldn’t control everything. Things happened and I had to change plans, some days I fell ill, other days I just didn’t have it in me. All these led to me allowing myself to do what must be done while also embracing the idea of what could possibly go wrong because such is life.
Another huge adjustment that has been made in my life for quite sometime now is not having expectations. I don’t really get why back then I thought people owed me something or they were supposed to show up for me when I needed them. My eyes finally cleared when someone I thought I could rely on let me down and I got mad. A friend of mine whom I ranted to about the whole situation told me I had high expectations and that was why I was mad. That was the day I learnt to expect nothing from people because we are human. People will let you down, that doesn’t make them bad. Everyone has their lives to live. If someone is able to show up for you- fine. If they don’t- fine. Life moves on.
Lastly, I’d say life got a lot better for me when I finally accepted who I was. That was a long time ago. I used to beat myself up for things that weren’t even my fault until I realized sometimes it was not me, but rather them. I learnt to move myself for who I was, enjoy my own company, be on my own and still have a lot of fun. There’s nothing better than that if you ask me. Life is peaceful with no drama whatsoever. What more could I ask for. Change they say is never ending, all you have to do is embrace it.
all images belong to me.
