The topic of motherhood is very painful for me. When I became a mother, I experienced a lot of pain, both psychological and physical. And it's not about childbirth. The most interesting part started after.
To begin with, I was very much afraid to give birth, but I wanted us to have a baby. Therefore, I spent a whole year studying this topic up and down. I studied medical reference books, books and articles by modern obstetricians, watched lectures and webinars, read blogs and forums of mothers... At some point, I got to the point where I was not afraid, and I even began to think about becoming a doula))
And I drew for myself the perfect image of how I want to live and feel when the baby comes. And then there was the first crack that soon turned into a canyon. I read several stories about how girls immediately after giving birth, returned to their usual life, and as actively moved as before. And I wanted to do the same. But as soon as I tried to stand up, I immediately fell down))) And this is where I would have to abandon my "ideality" plan. But no, I even still scold myself for this "imperfection".
And then more. I constantly scolded myself for my weakness, for the fact that I am not full of energy and do not flutter like a bird. I not enjoy every day. I carried a sense of guilt in me and constantly berated myself for not following the "perfect plan". And it was this that took away all my energy, all my desire to live and act.
Now I am very ashamed in front of my child that I could not forgive myself at that moment and show my love at full capacity.