I am in my bed with peanut butter and chocolate beside me. I have my laptop in my lap. I'm under the blankets. I've knocked several items off my to do list. Once I post this, I am going to record some poetry in my closet and then indulge in watching something questionable on Netflix.
Tonight is my night off. It's my time for me. 
I need this.
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I need time and space to myself when my body is not being touched or climbed on by my children. When my ears only hear what I choose to share with them. When I can indulge in my favorite treats without sharing. I need to relax. I need this freedom. But getting to the point where I could ask for it was a long road.
It is very difficult to shut off the "mom" impulse. Because I have high needs children, I am often on high alert. Learning to slow down . . . Okay, back up. Learning that I could or should slow down was a long slog. I was burnt out (and so was Nathan) before I demanded time "off."
It was hard because I had to trust him. He had to trust himself. I have been the primary caregiver to our three children since conception. Nathan has worked outside the home. And I was raised with cultural expectations that I would carry the mental, emotional and physical load of parenting while Nathan was only meant to provide. Providing is hard, but parenting is 24/7. There are no lunch breaks or even bathroom breaks for at least the first 10 years of a child's life.
Thankfully I have an amazing partner who is willing to grow with me by making the space I need. Still, I had to demand that space before he heard me or even understood how much he needs the break and began advocating for himself as well.
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