Taken last year, back when he can still sit ,smile and bond with us
Death has always been regarded as inevitable, unwelcome, tragic, and sad. It is like a thief that just comes to our doorstep unannounced. It is everyone’s hated guest. Nobody wishes for it but it comes when it is time.
Last week, I witnessed how a human being transitioned from being weak to being lifeless. My grandfather (brother of my paternal grandmother) died at his home at the age of 90. This granddad stood as a real granddad for me as my biological grandfathers died before I gained consciousness of the world. Since we go to the same church, he has contributed to my personal growth and has influenced views in my life.
It was Sunday noon when we visited him at his house. We dropped by to check on him as he has just been discharged from the hospital. We found him lying on his bed. Lolo has missed church for years due to old age. He was also demented. In spite of that, he still responded with a smile. I knew that the lolo we knew still exists deep inside. He was just limited by old age and dementia. We asked his caregiver how he has been doing and then prayed for him.
Hours after our visit, the caregiver's daughter hurried to inform us that Lolo appeared to have lost his breath. I was at a loss for what to do. He had his tongue out when they spotted him. He passed away in anguish without sobbing. He departed without requesting his children's names. He simply walked away. He died a peaceful death.
His death was the saddest death I have ever witnessed. In the usual Filipino setting, a death of a loved one, especially an old one, is a reunion of children, grandchildren, and people whose lives he has touched. A week of vigil would usually be allotted to spend with the loved one we lost. In our tradition, the dead must not be left alone. A family member must stay awake through the night.
Though Lolo’s house is located by the street, there were only a few who stayed through midnight. There were no alcoholic drinks offered, which is why neighbors wouldn’t stay for long.
All of his children and grandchildren went home for the last time. They are a family of doctors, lawyers, and engineers. During the vigil, they would only last until 10 pm or 12 am. at max. They would go to their respective homes after that and come back the next day after work. Entrusting the dead to his previous caregiver. Passing onto her the responsibility of staying awake through the night.
I may just be being too emotional, or I was just not used to their ways, but I felt sad that Lolo died without a single child by his side. He has a daughter and a granddaughter who are both doctors, yet he was entrusted to a stranger. People really do not have the same hearts, and we have different points of view. Maybe they have accepted Lolo’s reality.
Dementia isn’t a curse after all; it’s a gift. It is designed to protect the person who has it. When an old man has dementia, he won’t be sad that his children or grandchildren aren’t with him during his final days. He would only be reminded of his early years, and his memory would be limited. He won’t feel pity about himself nearing death without his family around. That is just how I see it.
Anyhow, I was just airing my observations. We can deal with death differently depending on our ways. To each his own. One thing is for sure: death is a reunion for the living and the dead. The family members that were left can finally see each other, and the one that died would finally be reunited with our Maker.
Bold
