Between conscious and not, my faintly listening to the conversation between our son and his mother, "Maa ... do not terbinin papa yaa ... kasian ... tonight papa cough continued ....."
"Mama is just as pity, son. But if not terbinin, ntar dimarahin papa because the usual subscription to buy coconut's soon come. Well, it's 4 o'clock in the morning ..
I can not bear to hear the talk between my wife and children. How much they love me so much .. It has been a week of my cough getting worse and every time cough there fresh blood out. But how can I let my loved ones feel guilty for waking me up. So by forcing myself, I sat down and tried to be strong, saying: "It's okay ... papa's a bit better. Are you going to the train station? "
With eyes wide and teary, I accompanied the second step to disappear behind the door of the store. Well, every day my wife was accompanied by our 4-year-old son, to the train station to buy the coconut that became my merchandise. Our son in the age of a toddler turned out to have a very high sensitivity to the suffering of both parents. So force to come to accompany her mother.
I blow a light plug on the wall, because it has been three months of electricity decided PLN officers, because the arrears can not afford me to pay off.
I knelt on the cold cement floor and prayed: "My God, what is our fault that we have to live like this? We have lived for three years and still believe that things will change. If there is still a punishment that must be lived, let me bear it myself. Please do not let my wife's children share feelings like this. However, it is not what I want to happen, but your will that applies, O Lord, "
Whether it's a prayer or a complaint to God, I really do not want to think about it.
Holding on to the wooden deck that had been decayed because of the leaking roof, I headed toward the bathroom. Take the bucket and lower it into the well. Because if you use airbedeng, money to pay bills that do not exist. So water is just for cooking and drinking, and brushing your teeth. As for the bath we use well water that is brownish yellow color.
But as soon as I was waiting to lift the bucket of water, a faintly visible carcass of dead mice had appeared. Probably since the night drool in the well. This is not unusual, because almost every week there are rats that fall into the well.
Drain Well Water Up Dry
The presence of dead carcasses of mice cause me to work hard to drain well water so that the water can be used again. By holding back the pain in my chest, I tried to drain the well water, but unfinished already knocked on the door. It turns out that customers who usually buy coconut.
With staggering, I try to serve the buyer. But the thought continues on my real son and wife are also not in good health. Our son was pale and gaunt, and sometimes even convulsive. Because we live in a slum market in Tanah Kongsi.
For medical treatment, I have sold wedding rings and all my wife's jewelry has also been ruddy for living expenses. While the trade debt to our aunts due to a total failure of inter-city trade, I ignore. Jangakan paid, just paying the installment is not able.
Shunned relatives and friends
In a state of decline for many years, we have never begged our families, nor our wealthy relatives. We pass our lives completely into the hands of God while continuing to work hard day and night. Not infrequently for lunch we had to owe a pack of rice rames for the three of us to eat. Every day, after helping to buy a still-skinned coconut at the train station, my wife still had to rush to bathe and ride a junky bike to go teach. But before my wife was still taking the boil water "dadi dadi kecil" leaf that somehow sought to be sent to me in order to relieve my bleeding cough Returning to teaching, dikedai already waiting for private less students. Eat potluck and then start teaching until the afternoon. We were never visited by our relatives. Let alone give help, just ask about our condition alone, we never felt in the years of our suffering. Even when I came to one of our wealthy relatives, it was not allowed to enter his house on the grounds of being very busy. Be Thankful For Those Who Have Ever Lived Suffering Life Seven years have passed and our lives have changed completely ... After many years of inner and outer suffering and our lives can be totally changed, so great gratitude is born. Every time we eat and drink, always to a minimum for a few seconds we direct our heart and soul to thank God. Perhaps our gratitude doubled or perhaps also tens of times bigger and deeper than those who have never experienced life in misery. For Those Still In Trying To Change Destiny:
• Stay steadfast.
• convince yourself that life will change.
• focus and be confident about the ideals of life, never waver.
• Do not expect the help of people, because it will only deepen the sense of disappointment.
• Convince yourself, no one else can change our fate except ourselves.
• Never imagine: that a time will come a relative carrying a bundle of money. Because it only makes us more frustrated.
• Do not be grudging when humiliated, make a whip for yourself to work harder.
• And without intending to patronize, do not forget to pray; papun belief religion.
• Believe and be sure, the storm will pass.
note: Our first son, who was told above, was 20 years ago in Perth. The second son in Jakarta and our daughter in Wollongong, where we are today.
