Damn “Damn!” swore the guy, “If only your mother were here, we could have saved my motor bike!”

Nuns One nun says "God, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!" The second nun says "Speak for yours! Mine is a Master!"

A Couple I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts

Blow Job He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?" She replies, "$20. Same as in town".

Pharmacy The cashier asks him if he wants a bag. He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."

Woman And Baby "No wonder the baby is underweight, you have no milk." Woman replies, "I know, Im his granny ... but Im glad I came!"

Appointment? Tell them you can't cum.

Unemployed The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf. Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.

A Guy The waiter says, "You eat psy and complain about one hair in your spaghetti." The man replies, "Yeah, and if I find any spaghetti in this psy, I'm not paying for it either."

Sheep His wife says: "I think you'll find that's a sheep." He says: " I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"

My Kid The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."

Coincidence "What a coincidence!" said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs." "That's great!"

Hand "Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?" "I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"

Diff. of Mouse & Dick? No difference. Both are searching a hole.

Wife "What very slow and professional?" "NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."

Don The man behind the counter said, "How old are you?" Don, shouted, "I AM 18!" The man took Don's money and said, "OK, up stairs, second door on the left." Don didn't miss

Priest "Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested". Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church. He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?"

What's the speed limit of sex? 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around!.

Out of business? Beat it. We're closed.

Best part in gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes.