Have you ever had a toxic relationship? One that does more harm than good? Today I write about how to remove yourself from them.
It's become more apparent as I've gotten older that the inner circle your keep yourself around becomes increasingly more important.
As you grow into adulthood you are really just kind of finding your way, understanding how connection works and seeking validation that you are doing life "right". One thing we all have the tendency to do within this time is to keep poor company.
It even stems back to when you are even in your teens, how many of you had a parent that would look down on a certain friend of yours and label them a "bad influence"? Practically everyone I know!
It is almost a right of passage to experience toxic people, but how when you find yourself escaping your 20's and with the realisation that so many of these toxic people still exist in your inner circle and what happens when they are not just friends but maybe even family or relatives or even your partner?
What steps can you take to start to reconcile this fact and how to get into a better place.
1. Be Honest
This is the key place to start, be honest with yourself and ask yourself the hard questions. Is this person good for my mental health, do they bring more joy and happiness than they do pain and suffering? This can be a really hard question to ask as we often make allowances for people close to us and make excuses. But, if you have been experiencing repetively bad poor behaviour. It's time to consider your position on this. One great way of making a decision came from a Gary Vee podcast with Tim Ferris. His advice was something along the lines of when making a decision, scale it 1 to 10, but it cannot be 7. As 7 isn't really confident in the decision either way. That way you start to have a bit more of a firm foundation on where to go from there.
2. No one has entitlement, everyone needs to earn a place in your life.
No one is entitled to be in your life. It is a daily practice of being a good human, a good friend and a good support. Just because you have a history or a past, does not forgive bad behaviour. If you have someone who has been in your life for a very long time and is acting poorly i.e a family member. It is completely reasonable to place distance between yourself and them. They are not entitled to your life, everyone earns their place of respect and being worthy of your time towards them.
3. Remember its your life.
Your life, no one elses. You must remember this fact. You have the right to clearly state "I don' want this kind of behaviour around me" regardless of who you are speaking about. This is reasonable, rational and fair.
You only get one shot at this. So don't lose life to other people's inability to get past themselves and be a good human.
4. Be kind to yourself.
It takes time and courage to distance yourself from toxic relationships. So, if it doesn't happen straight away. But the brain is incredibly responsive to change, you can break away from them all it takes is the repetitive action of acting upon the intent to place distance between yourself and them.
Just remember there are no right or wrong answers. But your life, is your life. No one elses. So when you are deciding whose company to keep, that is entirely up to you and you are the only one who can make the best decision to what you need, to live the life you want to live.
Toxic people have the ability to get under our skin, to weasel their way back in. But, just know that you have a choice.
