I'm not an expressive guy. I wanted to show that I'm happy but I can't. I wanted to say something if I'm mad, but can't. There are so many things I wanted to show but maybe because I'm a coward or weak. I don't know how to let it out. I chose to close my mouth rather than spitting confusing words. I decided to let it pass on what happened because it's too hassle for me. I envy those people who can openly express what they're feeling or thinking.
Three weeks ago my girlfriend decided to end our relationship. She has mistakes and I have as well. We both were hurting because she was hurt as well she said. But I just couldn't think of myself being separated from her. The only difference is that she could fight her emotions. She could let me go and forget about me. I didn't know how she could do it. No matter how I think of it I decided to accept the pain. Even though it's painful it's better rather than living without her.
I know some saw me stupid. Why still stay when tears covered my sight. I didn't understand myself when I agreed to it. I just wanted to make sure that my dreams of being with her will come true. I'm used to having a life with her. It's like every decision I would make she was always there. I became independent of her. Maybe that was not just loved. Perhaps, I'm in that part of my life who wants to have a family.
That's why I'm wondering how to fight emotions. I mean I wanted to know how to feel alright even if the heart is bleeding. How to fight that loneliness going far away while leaving someone behind? I just can't do it. I don't know how to handle it. I'm eager for such things as happiness. I don't want to live with an empty heart. I have no courage to fight or to endure it. I'm amazed at how other people could handle it. I hope I can do that so I can do the right thing.
Thank you for reading
d' dreamboy,
