I grew up wondering why my dad had to die very early if there was truly a God. I questioned everything I was told about a sovereign being who is seated far above the earth. I doubt the existence of supremacy and I disagreed with the doctrine that tried showing me that there is a mighty and supreme creator called God. I didn't believe the theory of creating of the world but the theory of the Big Bang wasn't convincing enough too. I was confused. I was disturbed. I searched for answers. I wished someone had a strong evidence to show me that there is a God or that there is no God.
I hated how we had to suffer while growing up. I hated the fact that we were poor although it wasn't our fault. I hated to see the rich kids waste resources while some of us had to settle for the crumbles that fell at their feet. I hated to see the days my sister was tied down with sickness. I said to myself that If truly there is a God, then he is very heartless. Oh, of course, if there is a God, he must be a spirit and he won't even have a heart. So what's the point fighting him if he really doesn't exist?
I also wondered if there is a God who is watching me when all these bad things are happening to me. He must be a wicked being for not being caring. I once disliked God. At a point, I wondered why I so much hated someone who I'm not sure even exist. I just didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't understand myself.
I consulted several materials on atheism and what made people become an atheist hoping to become one too after reading them. But I still didn't find myself saying no to this God. I couldn't do it. Although it seems he is not existing but I still could not deny the fact that there is truly a God who is the only God. Maybe he is not seated in heaven. Maybe he is not seated on earth. Maybe he is even living in a distance as far as hundreds of galaxies away. Maybe he is chilling in one of the other planets. But I know he exists.
Life has played songs of sorrow for you in harmony with songs of sadness. Life has tortured you with pain. You know what it means to shed bitter tears. You've been used and you've experienced disgrace. You've passed through hell while on earth that you don't care if there is another one afterlife because this one is enough already. You've been heartbroken. You've been cheated. You've been used and abused and yet there was no one to your rescue.
Maybe you were raped at a very tender age. You were young but the man was a beast. He pounced on you and with the whole force he had and he pinned you down. You could still hear him breathe like a monster as he penetrated. You could still smell his bad mouth odor every now and then as he said those wicked words to you after using you. Yes, you are confused if there is truly a God.
You prayed and prayed and yet your parents died of that cancer. If there was truly a God, why would only your brother die in that accident? Why is it not another person who died? I know you are confused too if there is a God. I understand you because I have been there. I have walked the same road you now walk. I've questioned the existence of God too.
Can you pause for a while and think about the days when the things that happened to you could have only been influenced by someone or something divine? Can you think for a moment about the situations in your life that seemed impossible but just went away without you doing anything? Can you think about the dangers that evaded you? Can you think about that supernatural provision you've once experienced?
I know you don't believe in miracles, but can you tell me how you sleep and wake up? Do you think it's because it's a natural thing for you to do? I don't think so.
I know you know deep down inside of you that there is a God somewhere. Just that sometimes it is difficult to believe that he is still there. When things refuse to go your way. When every bridge seems to be burned down. When every road seems to have a block. And every path seems to be crossed. I know sometimes it is impossible to believe that there is God. Yes, I do.
You can't fight reality and reality is that there is a God. I know you know this because you can feel it. You've experienced it. You've once rated of his mercies. Don't ever think he has forgotten you. Don't ever think he rejected you. Don't ever think he is sleeping. Because just at the point where our own ability ends, that is the point he shows up and helps our weaknesses. Just at the point where we can do nothing anymore, that's the point he shows up to help fight our battle.
Don't say no to God today. He is calling you and he is saying, I am here with you at all times.
