I always thought i was too "dumb" to understand math. During my school years, it was evident to me that for some kids math was easy, and for others like myself: painfully difficult. A constant struggle.
This belief shadowed me for years, a constant reminder that while people believe me to be intelligent i'm not that intelligent. That lack of confidence kept me from even the thought of doing basic calculations due to the fear of failure of something simple, after all, of course, what would be left of me if i couldn't do something so basic?
Recently, after 150 days immersed in learning math, I had a stark realization. The struggle wasn't because I wasn't capable, but rather, I was simply missing a shit-ton of pre-requisite knowledge.
It's like trying to defeat an Elden Ring boss at level 1. It's like walking into a movie halfway through, you can't understand the plot because you missed the beginning. The same goes for learning complex subjects like math, CS, whatever.
The gap in comprehension wasn't due to a lack of ability but rather a gap in prerequisite knowledge.
similar to this quote i will display only for Halloween purposes about the Cain and Abel story from the Bible: - and cain says, "when you split me and my brother in the womb, you did not divide us evenly. he got kindness, and i got longing. he got complacence, and i got ambition. i want to kill him sometimes." - our beginnings in life are terribly unfair.
but there is this nonchalance epidemic, where caring became lame. there is a performance of indifference that seems to have infected everything. a collective brushing-off, a studied detachment, a calculated apathy. Enthusiasm is embarrassing. the safest thing is to be unmoved. we are training ourselves to care just enough to seem aware, but not enough to risk looking naive. We preface our interests with self depreciation, as if to admit that we enjoy something without irony is a shame.
of course this isn't the cause of the entire problem, but it's the root of it. letting this go, go with the flow, ignore a crime, ignore a lost life, forget that troubled kid, i have enough problems of my own, nothing else matters, no one else suffers. than we close our eyes to the problems that don't vanish in the dark in fear of becoming a problem too. of one more thing to solve. you let the new generations lack the prerequisites, you ignore your own salvation, not in a religious sense.
Look at me. pay attention. i am you. they are you. watch yourself. see the horror. and be brave enough to care.
