My parents have always had the idea that they will not interfere with my life in sense that they let me to make my own decisions and live my life the way I want to live it. They never comment if my apartment is messy, though I know that they are thinking about it (They are super clean and their house is always spotless).
For almost a year now they have been looking after our daughter a few days a week while I’ve been studying and they have never criticized the way we raise her or the choices we have made with her.
But this story also has the other side. They don't really make any positive comments either. I think I can count them with my two hands and I’m 36 years old. Their support seems to be more in actions, like taking care of the dog, our daughter or asking us to come over for dinner. When I was young the support was letting me to have the hobby I wanted and take me to the practice and be there for all the competitions. I really appreciate all that they did and do.
Lately I've just been wondering why they never give any positive feedback. I have always thought that it's just Finnish culture plus our family culture (we don’t talk especially about feelings) but after I talked with my friend I started to think if it's something else as well. My friend's family has always been very open with each other, but she also said those positive comments have been pretty rare.
So what is it that makes it so hard to say for example that “you are a good mother” or “I'm proud of you that you are studying so hard and getting good grades in this life situation”.
Is it just that we are scared of feelings?
I'm also thinking about this since I’m now raising a child. How to support her the best possible way? What is the right way? How do I know what kind of support she wants from me? What kind of family culture I'm creating or want to create?
Hugs, Momone
