I have always been wondering how people can talk so openly about their personal stuff at hairdresser's, beauty salons etc. It's not only the customers who talk but also the workers. I guess it can be easier to talk to some half stranger at times.
Last time when I visited in one of these places the worker told me about her husband and their relationship. They had been together since teenagers, eventually got married and had a kid. According to her, after having a child everything changed. The husband didn't want to spend any time with the kid or take any part in taking care of him. In the end the child started to be shy of his dad, because they didn't have any kind of relationship. She had to do everything alone and the husband went to the gym, saw his friends, worked long hours and was never at home. Soon she found out that he had an affair and when she asked why, the husband had said: "Because you are a mother."
What a D***head, right, but this got me thinking about parenthood again.
Nowadays nurses and doctor are trying to ask the dad's feelings as well during the pregnancy check ups and after the baby is born, but dads are still very aside in the whole project. First of all some women just decide that they want to get pregnant without even really asking their spouses opinion or not caring about it anyway. During the pregnancy, the woman feels the changes in her body and baby's movements, she gives birth and keeps the baby alive by feeding her milk that her body automatically and naturally creates. The connection is there all the time. If the dad is not 100% in it and trying constantly to understand, participate and create the connection I can understand that he might feel like an outsider and eventually become one.
The woman changes because she becomes a mother, that's for sure and it is meant to happen. How to be that same woman you were before the pregnancy, I don't know, but I think that is something that men start missing. I'm not talking (only) about the looks, it's more mental. The responsibility and love that you feel for your child can at times be overwhelming and take over. I think when it comes to the looks, it's harder for the women. The husband might think you look just as nice as before but after that roller coaster women go through, they won't feel the same for sure.
I'm not in any way defending the person who left his wife alone with their child, I'm just trying to understand the other point of view and maybe learn something along the way.
Hugs, Momone
